Thursday, May 8, 2014

$5 Truth

During Monday night's baseball game, I pick up some dugout chatter and Junior says, "My mom is only 23!"  Of course, I twisted my head around so fast I got a crick in my neck.  "You're a good boy and I owe you $5!"

Tuesday night at practice my nephew is helping toss the ball around with the kids and Junior is in his group.  Somehow my age comes up again and Junior stands fast to his "my mom is 23" line.  My nephew looks dazed and confused but accepts it.

The book fair is at school this week and I pass Junior his $12 he's got in the bank.  He's bummed that the two books he wants cost $6 each so he's grumbling over the potential choice he's going to have to make. 

I actually have $7 cash in my purse so I give him the fiver.  He is over the moon with excitement and thanks me for paying the money I owed him.

"Nephew didn't really believe that you were 23." he tells me.  I tell Junior I'm 10 years older than nephew's dad.

Junior thinks for a minute and his eyes get big, "So Uncle is only 13!!??"  Yes, yes he is.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

This is your brain....

....on Squidbillies.

I've been fretting over getting my haircut for the past three months.  As a Curly Girl...there is much anxiety to be had when it comes to getting a haircut.

Last night I dreamed I was hanging out in my Tulsa, OK elementary school (John Ross) and 1980's Rick Springfield showed up to cut my hair.

Mm, mm, mm!  Dr. Noah Drake!!
We made goo goo eyes at each other in the mirror as he worked.  He fluffed and snipped and batted his eyes until I felt a weird tug and his eyes got big as saucers.  Dr. Drake had surgically removed half of my ponytail.  The top half.  I'm not a rocket surgeon but who the heck cuts hair while it's in a pony tail?!

Rick Springfield then started making out with me.  I guess this is standard soap opera apology method number one?  Anyways, I went with it - come on, it's 80's Springfield, you know you would too!!! - and when it was over I remember walking down the hallway and sobbing uncontrollably.

Over a bad haircut.  Sobbing to the point where I couldn't breathe.  The school secretary was phoning for medical assistance when I woke up to George meowing loudly at me and Squidbillies playing on the TV.

Cat + Unknown Hinson = bad haircut


Cat + Unknown Hinson = good lovin'


Thursday, December 8, 2011

PINK - Day Three

Better day today!  I spent some time looking over the PINK message boards on and it was nice to see some feedback from all angles.  Some folks are losing faster than I am, some are slower.  Lots of folks complaining about headaches too.  I found some answers to questions I'd asked myself.

I've been drinking Pink drink #1 all three days because that's the only thing I had all the ingredients for.  There is no hemp protein powder to be had in Shall Oat but I did find coconut water and liquid stevia at the GNC.  GNC is conveniently located next door to Subway, I took Junior to dinner there last night.  I needed some working time tonight and it was easier to buy him a pizza than cook two meals at home.  Subway smelled DELICIOUS and thinking about how it smelled is making my tummy grumble right now!  He ended up only eating one quarter of the pizza so it was very easy to pack his lunch today!

So freakin' delicious!

I had a great salad for lunch, baby spinach and left over chicken breast, tons of veggies and sweet balsamic vinaigrette dressing.  I didn't have a lot of time for food prep in the morning before I left the house so most of my ingredients were brought whole to chop up and assemble at the office.  I cleaned out the corner of my "kitchen" at the office and made a nice work area and I actually had a really nice time playing chef.  Over the years I've stocked up a few tools (peeler, grater, knife, modified cutting board).  My cutting board leaves room for improvement, it is the freezer tray that came with the mini-fridge.  Doesn't really work great but good enough to get the job done.  I'm thinking of utilizing the spare glass fridge shelf in its place.  I think that feeling of accomplishment and claiming a food work space was the best part of the meal.

Not fancy, yes I have a HUGE salad bowl!
I figured out how to steam vegetables in my Pampered Chef rice cooker by using no fat butter spray, a little salt and pepper and 3 minutes in the microwave.  I'm just amazed by what that rice cooker can do!  I enjoyed a nice helping of broccoli and cauliflower with a lean beef patty for dinner.  The beef patties are getting old quick but grocery monies are limited so I started the program with what I had and what I could afford to buy.  To spice patty up for dinner I used yellow mustard as a dipping sauce.  I'm glad there were so many lean proteins on sale this week when I checked the Food Lion and Lowe's Foods circulars!!

I am suffering from a side effect of this diet - I have color in my skin!  We went to the Christmas parade Saturday and sat on the Burn Your Eyes Out With The Sun side of the street so I was thinking maybe my face color was just sunshine.  Then I noticed my hands and I had gloves on for most of the parade, and a long sleeve shirt.  I'm a chronic hand stare-er.  I've been mortified how age has showed on my hands these past 10 years.  Normally my hands are pale and cold but now my hands and arms have a nice bronze-y pink glow.  Junior remarked at how warm my hands were last night, I've also noticed the tip of my nose is no longer a block of ice. Maybe the color is from all the strawberries and tomatoes?

My body feels different.  Weird.  It's kind of like I don't have a "bloat" any more.  Not that I was aware that I had bloat before.  My back fat does not feel as fat anymore.  My face feels smaller.  I can tell there is less inner thigh to rub together when I walk.

Day Three Results:  I followed the program with no cheats.  I quit drinking green tea by 6:00 and finished the day out with water, adding half a lemon or lime to each glass so I didn't have any trouble getting to sleep.  Day Two's sleep sucked ass because I started drinking green tea so late in the day and kept on while I watched the SOA finale.  (Where the hell did Opie go?!  He's totally missing church!!) I was wide awake at 11:00 pm!!  Total weight lost 4 lbs in three days.  Woo hoo!

Pimp My Mom

If you are looking for a great Christmas present and you would like to support a local, small business, please consider shopping with Just Hand Made.  Vonetta is my mother and you can see her fabulous work on her Facebook page.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

PINK - Day Two

Day Two can be summed up as MAMA WANT SUGAR!!!

Very bad sugar cravings today so I chewed sugar free watermelon gum, very cow-like.  I was getting to the point I was sick of water so I finally made me a pitcher of green iced tea.  YAY for cold caffeine!!  I switched from drinking out of a water bottle to a cup because the bottle was annoying me as well.  I've been backing each cup of green tea with one cup of water.  It's a nice change up.

I was disappointed the breakfast smoothie didn't seem as sweet as it did the first day but it was still really delicious, and filling.  Lunch was a repeat of salad and beef patty but I did run out to buy some low-cal dressing to make it more exciting.  The two tablespoons I'm allowed was put on the salad and I ate that first, then sopped up the remaining dressing with the meat.  Which left me feeling a little "Desperate much?" but if that's the only bit I can have for the day, I'm going to have Every. Single. Bit. Dammit.

I cooked grilled chicken breasts for dinner and conned Junior into eating one too.  Ketchup can do amazing things!  I also whipped him up a blue box of mac and cheese heaven and I did not dive face first into that pot.  I finished my dinner off with some leftover broccoli.  Junior managed to make very healthy snack choices (banana AND apple) before dinner so I let him slide with the "orange" and chicken.  He acts like you're trying to shoot him in the face when you make him eat one tiny little tree of broccoli.

I've heard that attitude is everything and I"m trying to remember that.  Not focusing on what I can't have but being excited and praising myself for making good food choices.  Believe it or not, I don't want to black my own eye...yet.

A few weeks ago I decided to be a little more faithful about "it applies the lotion to the skin" because I was getting a really bad case of winter dry itchies.  In only two short days of the PINK Method, I can certainly tell a difference in my gut and butt fat during lotion time.  I'm proud of me!

Day Two Results:  I followed the program with no cheats, enduring a pretty nasty sugar craving.  I did feel a bit hungry when I went to bed but some water helped that go away.  Total weight lost 3.5 pounds.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Pink - Day One

It's no secret that I'm a big, fat girl.  It is a secret that I've been hating my body for a long time now.

It's no secret that I watch Dr. Phil.  It is a secret that I drank the Kool Aid from the P.I.N.K. Method show that aired November 29th.  I entered the drawing to win the system and prize pack.  If it's free, it's for me, right?

And then I thought about how I normally spend $80:  half of an electric bill, monthly pittance to Home Depot, eating out 3 times in a week, a week of groceries, a trip to Walgreens.  (Yes I spent $80 in the Walgreens but that included a Christmas present, some food, beverages and I won't have to buy hand soap or body wash for a long while.  Coupons are your friends AND I managed to beat Walmart prices!!)

I really struggled with making the choice to spend money on a diet.  What if I actually win the drawing?  Hell, I won an iPad and lingerie money this year, I AM A WINNER!  I visited the PINK website a few times that Monday and finally clicked Add To Cart at 4:00 that afternoon.  If I do actually win, I'll have a system to pass to a friend.  Yes, I will selfishly keep the Vitamix blender for myself but I will give away my Magic Bullet and all it's goodies with the system.

I dreaded receiving it in the mail, receiving it meant effort, work, commitment.  After watching the package tracking, I did go to the post office as soon as it was delivered.  I read the book Thursday afternoon and started buying diet items by Friday.  There is a package of Jillian's Protein Whey Powder on my counter.  I am disappointed it does not yell at you when you open it.

I did spend the weekend enjoying my last 6 pack of Coke, eating Christmas parade candy and being quite slovenly in general.  It was kind of like a grieving process.

My favorite part of the PINK Method is that you kind of gradually go into it.  Because of my starting size I have 14 days to spend on the Reset portion and during these 14 days all I have to do is eat right.

Day One went quite well.  The breakfast smoothie was much tastier than I expected.  The food prep hasn't been that bad.  Sure I was grilling lean beef patties at 7:00 in the morning but on that same note, I was making lunch for a week!  I did carry plenty of food with me to work, lots of veggies. And last night I only felt like processing one package of chicken breasts so I could have some dinner, but I did it.

I have horrible caffeine withdrawal headaches due to no coffee but a cup or two of green tea is helping with that.  I was almost too scared to run errands at work yesterday because it is too easy to stop by somewhere to get a drink or a snack but I faced the demon and had a successful trip.  Even after I dumped the ENTIRE water pitcher into the floor (AGAIN) I got back on track and drank all the water I needed to.  And re-installed that shelf in the mini-fridge.

I did have a hard time when it came to preparing Junior's dinner.  I had to chant I WILL NOT DESTROY MY DAY WITH BACON while I cooked him up a breakfast dinner.  Same deal with breakfast, I usually chomp a few pieces of cereal when I pour his.  I actually caught myself reaching into the bag, I'm glad my brain screamed NO! NO! and I listened.

It was a busy, stressful day at the office and I was really tired when I came home.  After taking care of Junior's dinner, homework, reading assignments and shower time I almost broke down and to make a sandwich just to eat something but I fought it.  I got up and took care of the chicken and was amazed by how much 4 ounces of chicken breast really is.  I was pleasantly surprised that squeezing a lemon over some microwaved broccoli is pretty tasty, I didn't miss the salt at all.  I did end up eating pretty late though.

I went to couch at 9:15, woke up at 12:30, turned off the Christmas lights and went to bed.  I had some crazy dreams and was awake at 5:00, 30 minutes before the alarm went off.

Day One Results:  I followed the program with zero cheats, didn't feel hungry or deprived and had a 2.5 lb weight loss.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Thank you

Thanks Suzy!  I'm hoping it's the best $7.95 I ever spent, and it will cover my entire backside.  The parts its supposed to anyway.