$5 Truth

During Monday night's baseball game, I pick up some dugout chatter and Junior says, "My mom is only 23!"  Of course, I twisted my head around so fast I got a crick in my neck.  "You're a good boy and I owe you $5!"

Tuesday night at practice my nephew is helping toss the ball around with the kids and Junior is in his group.  Somehow my age comes up again and Junior stands fast to his "my mom is 23" line.  My nephew looks dazed and confused but accepts it.

The book fair is at school this week and I pass Junior his $12 he's got in the bank.  He's bummed that the two books he wants cost $6 each so he's grumbling over the potential choice he's going to have to make. 

I actually have $7 cash in my purse so I give him the fiver.  He is over the moon with excitement and thanks me for paying the money I owed him.

"Nephew didn't really believe that you were 23." he tells me.  I tell Junior I'm 10 years older than nephew's dad.

Junior thinks for a minute and his eyes get big, "So Uncle is only 13!!??"  Yes, yes he is.

It's just an old wive's tale...

I heard, not once but TWICE over this New Years holiday, that what you spend your time doing New Years Day is what you'll be doing for the rest of the year.  It's possible I've been told this before, but after raising children and birds you learn to tune a lot of stuff out and just listen for keywords like fire, x-rays, accidentally, etc.  This feels like the first time I really listened and heard it.

Homegirl told me that's why she was going to finish getting her house work done New Years Eve so she wouldn't be cleaning New Years Day, therefore selling herself into indentured servant status and cleaning for 365 days straight.  That's what her mama always told her and then I saw someone else mention it on Facebook.

Hmmm...I thought about it when I woke up at a very late 10:00 a.m. and made coffee New Years Day.  I can't remember the last time we slept that late on a Saturday morning.  Usually by 7:30 Junior is standing over the husband's side of the bed saying "Can I please have a bowl of cereal?  Dad, are you wearing your pajamas?"  (Yes, about two months ago Junior joined, and has been assigned as Detective for the Pajama Police.  Those are some funny conversations to hear about and or eavesdrop in on.)  Junior spent the night with my brother's family.  The cousins had a great time playing together.

I couldn't just sit there and do nothing on New Years Day, even after I worked pretty hard NYE day and played hard NYE night (fireworks, tons of sparkler smoke, jerk neighbor and cops, hors d'oeuvres, dessert, dominoes - girls lost, Dick Clark, more fireworks) I could have sat around and done nothing.  I did want to get some work done so I mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors, washed everyone's bedding, cleaned the master bathroom, watched Aliens vs Predator:  Requiem, goaded the husband into running the vacuum cleaner*, worked the organizational side of the Blackberry, and messed around with my Cozi calendar.
*Brother Dear called Saturday evening to let me know that one by one, their household was erupting with pukers and wanted to know if Junior was ok.  At that time, he was just fine.

I feel like I worked pretty hard, but-cha know what??  If I can spend 2011 actually getting my money's worth out of my Netflix account, learn to effectively use my Blackberry for more than just Facebook, keep my calendar planned out and organized, and not just keep the house clean but have help doing it, I'm okay with that.  I welcome it!

And I'm so thankful that Junior waited until January 2nd to get sick and puke-y.  I certainly do NOT want to spend my 2011 chasing him around and catching his vomit in the trash can.  (It certainly beats having to drag out the carpet cleaner though.  It was a pretty sweet mom maneuver if I do say so myself.  I totally say so.)

I know when he recounts the horror of his evening and is telling me about his story tomorrow, hand motions and all, I KNOW he's going to say when he puked it came out of him "like a ball-cane-o" and then I will laugh really hard because 1) How funny is "ball-cane-o"!? 2) his puke was mostly red, the color of hot lava and 3) volcanoes hit me where I live and I have the same thought Every. Single. Time. I hear the word volcano.

My first memory of being sick and staying home from school is of my mom serving me some red fruity jello as a Sorry You Feel Bad Snack.  Seems logical, jello is easy on the tummy and fruit is supposed to be good for you, right?  After eating the snack, I curled up on the three cushioned gold couch and watched a TV show about volcanoes.  When the volcanoes started erupting and the red-hot lava spewed up and out, raining its ooze down the mountains, my fruity jello began to erupt up and out of me, down my blue night gown and as I ran for the bathroom, I left a chunky red trail across the living room floor, down the hallway and to the bathroom.

And that is why I hate red fruity jello.

And maybe volcanoes too.

Crappy Birthday, America!

7:30ish, George the Monkey Cat is meowing loudly.

I tell him, "Junior!  Go feed your cat!!"

He jumps up out of our bed to tend to his cat duties.

"Dad!  DAD!  DAD!!!" he yells.

Junior has just learned the power of the shart.

I get to the bathroom and it's just as amazing as it is disgusting.  Remember that spinning paint toy from when we were kids?  It was just like that but brown.

 

Rough way to start the morning, and before the coffee was made!  Junior did come up to me later in the morning and apologize.  "I'm sorry I pooped in the floor, mom."

"Its ok buddy, I know the medicine you're taking for your ear infection is upsetting your tummy."

"Yeah, it makes my poop lazy."

**********

I spent the morning making watermelon ice cream.  It came out great!

I also made three pies:  Strawberry and Keylime Weight Watchers pies and a Texas Lemon pie.  I spent the previous day in the kitchen as well.  I was tired so I took a nap.

When I woke up from my nap I thought it felt hot in here so I went to check the thermostat.  It was set to 72 but read 78.  Great, now on top of the problems we're having with the water heater, we now have a cooling problem.

On the plus side, we're having some fantastic weather so we're not roasting to death in a muggy house.

******************

Cut to this evening, just after we'd finished being entertained by the whistling, exploding, smoking display of our hard earned-easily burned money, trying to get everything put away and everyone inside.

I'm stacking chairs on the porch and Junior walks up.  "Hey mom, you remember this morning when I farted but I pooped instead?"

"Yeah buddy, I sure do."  And OMG, do I ever, it was awful!

"It happened again."

At least this time it was outside and I had a water hose nearby.

Icing on the Crappy Birthday America cake:  I had a nephew puking in the flower bed and a niece with diarrhea blowing up the main bathroom. 

p.s.  The ice cream was delicious.

Kid speak

I don't usually give Junior his bath, the husband does.  Sometimes Junior gets in a mood and doesn't want to work with his dad and he asks me to do it.  Sometimes I say yes, most of the time I make the two of them suffer through it together.

It had been a while since I'd bathed him so it was fun having to remember his bathing habits.

After taking care of All.  Of.  That.  Hair. and getting the "may doughs" (tomatoes) out of his ears, we rinse him off and I wrap his hair up to dry.  "It's a genie hat!!"  Then I'll wrap him up in his towel and heave all of his 40 something pounds of boy out of the tub.  Squirmy.

Because it is impossible to do anything the easy and direct way when you're four, Junior insists on standing on his stool to be dried off.  Whatever, it's forward progress and even though I am annoyed, I'll allow it.

I playfully pat his brown little face, rub down the left arm and then the right.  A quick shimmy along his belly and back and it's time to work on the lower limbs.  Junior sticks out an arm to lean against the wall and I grab a foot to squeeze out his toes, up his calf and as I dry the top of his thigh he always yells out

"DON'T FORGET THE UNDERLEG!!"

Please view this anatomy chart:

I don't see the Underleg labeled, do you?

I have good news and bad news

THE GOOD

After sinking HUNDREDS of dollars into the Borrowed One's mouth over the last year, he had his last procedure done today. I don't care what the dentist is doing in his mouth, it always costs us at least $100 before insurance. I think he's been about 8 times in the last year. I was beginning to wonder if he was part shark with so many teeth to fix. I was dreading today's visit because that $100 was going to go on the credit card because we have no money. Thanks Economy!! When I went to pick him up and pay after today's appointment, I had a CREDIT BALANCE and owed NOTHING on today's visit. HOORAY!!!

THE BAD

I did not pee before I left to go get him. I ran him all the way to the other side of town trying not to pee my pants. I blazed up the steps to the office and went straight to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is pulled back today - except for that one belligerent curl that refuses to lay back and STANDS UP - and I'm wearing my favorite pair of Dollar General $3 sunglasses. This combination makes me look like a Sleestack.

Proving that everything has a sunny side....the sleestack action on my face surely keeps the focus off of my round backside.

I lead a dreadless life

In a GNR fashion, I keep singing "I lead a dre-eya-eya-ya-ah-ed-less life" in my head.

Elder Spawn decided enough was enough and cut his hair.

I delivered that sack-o-dreads to his Nana today. I'm not sure if "birds will use it to make nests" or "maybe it will keep the deer out of my garden" is just crazy old lady talk (Hi Mom, love you!) or if it will really work. I'm just glad these things are gone away from my son's head and my house. They were getting kind of gnarly.

I do admit I will miss them a tiny bit. They waved around in a really cool pattern when he would wreck the skateboard. And I was REALLY looking forward to sending him to his Senior prom in a tuxedo...as long as he posed for photos wearing a Predator mask.

I didn't know it was contagious....

Small ears hear well and they repeat things you don't want them to say.  

Recent words we're guilty of at home:  stupid, whatever, shut up.  Please note these are most often spouted from angsty teenagers but I admit I'm guilty of WHATEVER!! a lot of the time.

Junior gets tickled when we say one of these words now.  He'll climb atop his little soapbox and say, "Don't say that word, Mom.  I don't like that word.  It hurts my ears when you say it."

Inside my head, I am screaming back to him, "THEN DON'T MAKE ME SO CRAZY!!"

But usually I just say sorry and that I'll try to do better.  Hrumph!!  Dang his almost 4 year old selective memory!!

Yesterday when we picked up Junior from Nana's he was saying DUH! a lot.  He said it about 4 times before we left, then once more in the car.  I told him that was not a word he needed to be using.  While I was strapping him into the car seat he said it again and while I raised my hand to pop his lips, he covered them up and said, "Sorry!"

And I'm mumble to myself, "I know where you got that word.  Nana says it all the time."

Of course little ears heard me and said:

Yeah, Nana gave me the Duhs!

Well boy, that's OK, just as long as she doesn't give you a case of the Duh-huhs.   (Yeah, I looked for John Boy & Billy's Hoyt and Delbert to insert here but they're stingy and I'm not paying for that!  Just tell Goober I said Hello.  Hellos are still free, right?)

I learned it by watching YOU!!

From: Dad

To: Jocelyn

Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 9:13:23 AM

Subject: Cat

The other morning I was conferring with a Professional Cat Rassler.  He was telling me his cat died because he didn’t have any lemon juice.  In order to keep my cat from suffering the same demise, I was wondering if you knew of any ideas to get lemon juice in my cat.  Any and all ideas will be considered.  Thanks.

________________________________________

 

From: Jocelyn

To: Dad

Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 9:38:23 AM

Subject: Re: Cat

Professional Cat Rassler?  Please tell me he had an eye patch and a hook hand?  A professional would have some sort of battle scar(s), right?

 

What the heck are you supposed to do with the lemon? TO THE CAT???!!  And live??

 

The only thing I've seen is that cats HATE citrus so you can leave orange/lemon/lime peels in the garden to keep em out.  (We use this for the a$$hole cat across the street who LOVES to lay in the neighbors' gardens.)  And make a spray for stuff you don't want the cat to shred up.  Or you can make home made lemon spray to kill fleas on the cat.

 

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2758/lessons_you_can_teach_your_cat.html 

 

http://www.ehow.com/how_4796738_flea-medicine-cats.html 

 

If you are going to try to get the lemon into the cat I would suggest investing/building a miniaturizer to make the lemon much smaller and make it taste like his food.  Also, I would shrink Tahlee's claws or buy some of those falconer gloves.  Maybe a whole body suit??

 

Is he eating MORE plants?  I found this link to make a spray to put on plants so the cat won't keep trying to eat them.

http://www.myhealthycat.com/plants-poisonous-to-cats.html

 

Dammit, I'm supposed to be concentrating on work.  Now all I can think about is CATS AND LEMONS!!  

 

(Junior finally told Husband TO HIS FACE that he wanted a cat.  Maybe Husband will cave and Junior will stop trying to take Tahlee from you.)

________________________________________

From: Jocelyn  

Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 12:27 PM

To: Dad

Subject: Fw: Cat

 

Ok, I'm still waiting to hear back from you.  It's been 3 hours and I really need to know how and why you need to combine cats and lemons.

________________________________________

From: Dad

To: Jocelyn

Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 1:27:10 PM

Subject: RE: Cat

Your youngest spawn was telling me about his cat.  He died because he was lacking the Sacred Lemon Juice.  Ask him when you see him this afternoon.  He will give all the needed information.

________________________________________

From: Jocelyn  

To: Dad

Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 1:51:15 PM

Subject: Re: Cat

Oh crap!!  It's times like these I am SO GLAD I'm in this rat hole office BY MYSELF.  I have laughed until I cried over this one. I also had to take a call from one of my bosses in the middle of my laugh/cry fest without sounding crazier than he thinks I already am.  Fun times!!

I was really concerned for Tahlee.  I know he's been gnawing on the spider plant and was wondering if he had been sampling the rest of the "salad buffet."  And wondering how in the world you'd crossed paths with a "Professional Cat Rassler" in the first place. It's not like the use a lot of cranes in their training, ya know?

Junior is on the lemon juice kick because he's been watching me squeeze lemon into my water glass.  He will certainly need an eye patch and a hook hand if he tries to feed lemons to Tahlee!!  And yes, I would totally watch that show(down)!!

Have I mentioned lately that boys are dumb?

Teenage boys have NO CLUE.  I should be thankful they can wash their own ass and do their own laundry but clearly, I still have much to teach them.

Buy valentines, you must.

So Saturday is Valentines Day.  This doesn't mean a whole lot to me anymore as I consider the husband working a solid 40 per week and a paid mortgage a true expression of love.  To young teenage girls in lurve, Valentines Day has the potential to be a B.F.D.  Both of my boys currently date teenage girls.

Each evening this week, I would walk to their room and try to have a conversation.

Monday:

Me:  Boys, have you thought about Valentine's Day at all?  It's on Saturday.

Boys:  Why?

Tuesday:

Me:  Boys, have you thought about Valentine's Day at all?  It's on Saturday.

Boys:  Are we supposed to?

Wednesday:

Me:  Boys, have you thought about Valentine's Day at all?  It's on Saturday.

Boys:  I don't know!

Me:  Yes, clearly you don't know.

Thursday:

Borrowed One calls me at 3:45 wanting to go play basketball.  I told him that was fine but when you got home, we were going shopping for Valentine's Day.  He's down with it and Elder Spawn agrees as well.

So at 9:00 pm (PM!!) I load up two testosterone laden knuckle-dragging teenagers to Walmart.  And of course, the second we walk in the door, we see 40 people we know.  We make brief chit chat and I have to pull them away so we can get down to some bidness.

The boys start out in the special Valentine's area.  Nothing here but a bunch of cheap-ass stuffed animals and candy.  They seemed to be thrilled by this but Mama does not approve and I direct them to the jewelery department.

Usually the jewelery department is staffed by some not so friendly ladies.  Tonight, we are blessed to be hosted by the frutiest guy I've ever seen in Walmart.  He is wonderful:  kind, helpful and patient.  

ES can't remember if he's even SEEN his girlfriend's ears so of course he doesn't know if her ears are pierced.  BO finds a set of heart-shaped CZ's and his bling alarm goes off.  I'm feeling pretty "meh" about these but we agree to purchase and Fruity works on putting them in a nice box suitable for gift giving.  ES can't form an opinion on anything and gives up, wanting to walk back to the candy area.  I'm pretty "meh" on this idea as well.

I keep assuring the boys that I'm not trying to commit you to anything, over extend your relationship, etc.  But you are SO NOT going to do this half-assed.  Mama's not having it.

As we're walking dejectedly back to candy land I try once again to appeal to ES, "Are you sure you didn't see anything in the jewelry department?"  Poor ES is so confused and probably wishing lightening would strike his mother down so she would shut the hell up.  We walked back to jewelery to give it one more shot.

Fruity asks us exactly how much we're willing to spend and I submit to the $30 range.  Remember, it's not about being cheap.  I'm not trying to fluff up their relationship any more than it already is.  I don't want anything that screams I'M COMMITTED TO YOU FOREVER AND EVER.  I'm just trying to present you as a nice, thoughtful young man.

The only thing Fruity can offer us at that price is a 20" sterling silver necklace with a 1/10th of a carat in diamond chip/dust heart pendant.  Fruity puts extra emphasis on REAL DIAMONDS.  And in my head, after he says REAL DIAMONDS, I'm screaming, "AT WALMART!"  ES's eyes light up and we've found our gift!  We tell Fruity we're headed back to candy for some reinforcements and he says just come back when you're ready and I'll have your gifts ready to go.

So we've suffered a good 30 minutes in jewelry and it should take just a few minutes to complete our gift bonanza extravaganza, no?  Yeah.  NO.

I found a cute red bucket shaped tin with hearts for handles.  It would be nice to fill with small candies and the jewelery box.  Since I've been a teenage girl before, I could just imagine these girls would have that tin until they graduated from college.  Some small trinkets that a boy gave you are really hard to part with and usually can be converted to a useful purpose (even if said boy turns out to be a total dick).  Standing in that isle, I could see that tin being a pencil cup on a desk for a loooooooong time.  Because I think like a woman.  

You would have thought I was showing them an alien artifact from Remulac.  I tried to explain the concept of inserting goodies and the present and we had a small meltdown.  Right there.  In Walmart.  BO:  "I'm so confused!"  ES:  "What?  Me too!"  I can't think of any basketball or skateboarding terms to communicate to them any better so being mindful of the time we've already spent in here, I gave up.  I pointed to the Russell Stover heart-shaped $1 sampler box and said, "Just get one of those!"

The boys saw a bigger heart with chocolates that was also $1 and started to grab that one instead.  I lovingly (ok, maybe not lovingly but in a Dammit I'm so ready to get the hell out of here! way) point out that while that box may be bigger, the candy inside is shit compared to Russell Stover.  The point was well received by the young gents and they each went with the RS sampler.

On our way back to jewelery I asked BO if he wanted to trade up his CZ earrings to a diamond necklace as well and he eagerly agreed.  I felt bad because Fruity had our stuff cleaned up and ready in the really nice gift boxes and we changed our order.  I think Fruity approved of the upgrade though because he took just as much time, care and glee for our sake as we did in finally coming to a frakkn decision.

As we were getting into the car I told them I had some Valentine's gift wrap they could use, and in unison they whined:

We have to wrap it too??!!??

Dammit boys.  So. Much. To. Learn.

It's now 10:00 pm (PM!!) and on the drive home they both thanked me over and over again.  There was much discussion about being "lost" and "having no idea."  Then there was much talk about how the same trip would have gone down if the Husband would have taken them.  BO said they'd probably still be in electronics trying to pick something out.  And I'm thinking to myself, "Yep, you three would be there playing GAMES in electronics."

And if you'll excuse me, I'm off to track down my 10th grade boyfriend's mother.  After this experience, it's so clear to me now that even though HE presented me with the earrings for Valentine's Day, HIS MOTHER is the one who bought them.  I owe her a thank you card.

Boys are so dumb.

Road Rage

It’s no secret that I hate driving. Well, I actually love to drive but I HATE the jerks I’m sharing the road with. I often find myself wanting to write a letter to the editor but I’m so very afraid my letter will turn into a Unabomber-type manifesto. I live in a smallish town so I’m not looking to be labeled as “that crazy letter-writin’ lady” and getting stared down at the Walmart. Not for that reason anyways.

But you people seriously make me CRAZY!

Tuesday, there was a wreck at an intersection on the backroads of town. The speed limit is only 35 where this crash occurred so I’m really curious to know exactly what happened in the collision to cause an AMBULANCE to turn over on it’s side and a small car turn into a pile of scrap metal.

At least the ambulance was not in service with a patient when the crash occurred. That’s having a really bad day…a ride in an ambulance – THAT CRASHES! Eek!

There were two folks in the ambulance, riding up front and two folks in the, what used to be, a Nissan. Everyone went to the hospital and one of them was airlifted to the “dude, you got some serious crap WRONG with you” hospital in the big city.

I’ll repeat: The speed limit at this intersection is 35 miles per hour.

I read today’s smallish town newspaper and the Board of Aldermen are already talking about converting this intersection (and it’s bastard cousin one block prior) to a four-way stop. Dammit man – these idiots can’t even drive 35 mph and obey a stop sign – now you want to insert some right of way rules here? Are you crazy!?

One Alderman lives between the two intersections and says this is the third crash at this intersection in five weeks. He proclaims it to be the most dangerous intersections in town.

I call BULLSHIT on that one.

It’s not the intersection. It’s the same damn intersection and stop sign that’s been there for at least the past 30 years. Granted, the town or DOT gets lazy and lets the trash vines grow up the pole in the spring but I’ve never seen it cover the sign.

The problem is a bad driver problem.

The ambulance was probably going to pick up a patient at the nursing home or the assisted living place. The ambulance would have been driving on the road that had the right of way. The car must have been the one who ignored the stop sign.

Was the Nissan driver: On the cell phone? Listening to the GPS lady? Talking to the passenger?

One thing is sure; the Nissan driver was NOT paying attention to DRIVING. That’s what the magic box on wheels does. You turn the big circle and mash the pedals. YOU direct where it’s going. Unless you’re too busy doing something else, like not driving.

And now we have a GOVERNMENT trying to save the CITIZENS from STUPID. What ever happened to personal responsibility?

When I was in high school, a classmate ran a stop sign and crashed her car at the bastard cousin intersection. She got messed up pretty bad too, as in had to relearn to walk and miss the prom bad. Her smashed up car was on display in the quad for us to see. I’m sorry she was hurt but I am so thankful she lived and shared a lesson with all of us. I often think of her when I stop at that intersection.

And the big boys started Driver’s Ed classes today.

The big boys who can’t comprehend that when they walk to the trash can and it’s full, they should empty it instead of smashing shit further into the can. The big boys who can’t remember to put the trash on the curb on trash day. The big boys who can’t remember to bring school paperwork home. The big boys who get ZEROs on open-note tests. Dude, seriously? It’s OPEN NOTE!!

And now they want to drive cars. SIGH.

So easy, a child could use it

I had some time to kill yesterday afternoon so Junior and I stopped by my parents' house on the way home. While Mom was digging thru her beads Junior found a small calculator with a key ring on it. Mom said he could have it and Junior was very pleased with Nana AND his find.

He started playing "scheduler" immediately. "It's my scheduler Mama!" How in the hell does this child have the word scheduler in his vocabulary? He's three and can't find his shoes most of the time.

We still had to stop by the grocery store so we didn't stay at Nana and Mr. Grandpa's house too long. We make it to the (second!) grocery store stop and as I'm walking Junior down the meat isle, I noticed he was sitting in the buggy, holding his "scheduler" near his mouth and saying, "Milk, eggs, butter."



He forgot the juice but I give him a solid 10 for presentation and form.

So the big question is.....does this behavior present itself due to:

• Bad parenting / too much TV
• Good marketing / irritating commercials!!
• Good imagination / at least he wasn't licking the damned cart handle (again, UGH!)

I'm settling for D, all of the above. Trust me, if you knew Junior and he was your charge for more than 30 minutes....you'd go with D too!

OMW: Child

Today's prompt: What affect has a child, whether yours or someone else's, had on your life?

I am a god-mother. A Fairy God-mother on good days. I had a good day Sunday. My godchild had her ears pierced ... again.

Her birthday party was the weekend before Halloween. I try to never buy her clothes because I want her to wear what she wants to wear, not what I pick out. She was getting a Nintendo DS thing from her parents so I opted to go with a $50 gift card from Walmart for her gift. I'd also cleaned out my jewelry drawer this summer and had collected a small bag of trinkets I was finally OK parting with as I think she's at an age she'll start caring for things a bit better.

One of the items in the jewelry was a pink and blue necklace and earring set from Avon. Every time I would wear it she would always comment on how much she liked them. I thought her ears were still pierced so when she opened the box and saw what I had given her she was sad that she'd let her ears grow over.

She managed to score a few more gift cards and some cash as well. This past Sunday we all headed to Wallyworld and she had her ears re-pierced. I even go to help her pick out which studs she was going to get. She got the nice sparkly ones that seem to flash a bit of color, even though they're white. What a tough girl, she didn't even cry. She did flinch and give a surprising "OH!" face when the second ear was done.

=============================

I would post the photo but I still don't have a mini-SD card in my new phone. Also, I have not yet received my Woot! crap yet. It's scheduled to be delivered to the office Saturday (how convenient GRR!). Some folks have received some mini-SD's in their boxes so I'm holding out hope that my seven pound crap will contain said goodies. Everyone seems to be getting the Tornado water sprayers, old-as-dirt PC joysticks and some kind of USB phone thing that makes your phone jacks make a network to share Internet access. Can't complain for what $8 is going to buy you, even if it is from 1992. Some of the folks have received letters from the Woot! Gods in their crap. One of them is expecting a 250 lb shipment to be delivered! How exciting!!

Could I be any more scattered today?

I have zero focus today. Zero focus to task anyway.

I haven't had any pepper jack cheese in a while so I bought an 8 oz block yesterday along with some wheat crackers. Very tasty. I sat and read all the stuff in my reader and managed to eat almost 3 ounces of cheese without blinking an eye. How the hell does that happen? And what kind of price will I pay for that? I was going to make spaghetti for dinner but I think I might need to "Eat Fresh" and have spinach salad for dinner. Cheese shots and a spinach chaser should stop any ... stoppages from eating too much cheese.


I'm having a Weight Watchers Smart Ones for lunch. Home Style Beef Pot Roast. This is one of my favorites and today it seems to have a billion carrots in it. I don't have a problem eating carrots but DAMN, can I get a few more green beans to balance out all the damned orange? There's only 8 green beans. 8!! Also, it's 2:00, a little past lunch time but I did have to wait for the cheese to go down a bit and I didn't really get hungry until now.


Getting hungry. With all the doctor business and test results and needing to lose weight - it cracks me up when I DO get hungry because for a long time, I didn't wait to get hungry to eat. I just ate. "That looks good, I'm going to eat it." Terrible way to live folks. It's not terrible, it is actually quite tasty, it's just not right. I'm getting reacquainted with "hungry."


I ran into an old friend at Walmart yesterday. She told me of a classmate's passing and that was not fun. He was only 37, just a few weeks older than me. Left behind a wife and two kids. I can't imagine how horrible that must be to survive your husband passing so soon in life. There must be a ton of paperwork to deal with. He had some time in the military so hopefully his widow got one of those "I'm here to help you thru this" guys. I know I had not seen him since high school so the picture in my mind was very different from his obit photo. He looked VERY foreign from my mind's eye. I wonder how the class of 89 will look when we have the next reunion - twenty years later.


I think Junior had a good Halloween. Husband is still out of town so that left the two of us to celebrate (the big boys went to a lock-in at the church). Our neighbors joined us for the walk up and down the street for Trick or Treating. Only 4 houses were open/on/passing out candy and that was a real bummer. A bummer for me, Junior still doesn't quite know the difference. He had a much better time giving out candy. We did manage to get a whole 11ish kids by the house. I counted the kids as they walked up the driveway and gave Junior the goodie bags to pass out. As soon as I opened the door he would ask, "WHAT YOU NAME?" and if they didn't answer - he just kept asking until they'd eek out a reply. He'd toss their treat in the sack and say, "Happy Halloween" and everyone was happy.


Mr. Tat Cat kicked the bucket last week. He'd been acting "off" and he was either 15 or 16, pretty damned old for a cat who lived outside. He spent a day or two sleeping in my bed, highly affectionate in his final days so I was not caught completely off guard when the neighbor called. She found him in her backyard, one of his favorite places to be. We buried him under the nicest tree in the spare lot. Thanks for the good times Tat, you'll be missed.


Falling back always makes me happy. This is the one time of year I feel rested. The clock is my friend, it's not yelling at me to get the hell out of the bed and on with your day! I feel awake when it's time to wake up. Junior passed out before I could get him in the bathtub (How's that "I'm NOT taking a nap!" program working for you NOW sucker!?) last night so I had to get him up early to get the stink off of him. He was pleasant this morning until I put raisins in his oatmeal. As I was trying to shower and get dressed he came in about 48 times to tell me, "No raisins, MOM!" To which I replied, "I'm sorry, you'll just have to eat around the raisins." The first time. The other 47 times I shooed him out and told him to go eat. When it was time to leave the house the oatmeal AND raisins were gone. Ha ha! You ate it.


Carl Edwards kicked some ass in Texas yesterday. Serious ass. His gas/math nerds earned their money. I hope he does well at Atlanta too. I do not want to see JJ get 3 in a row. That'd just be rude. I worked in the house a lot during the race but the last 50 or so laps I was glued to the tv. Damn good race. Thanks Carl!

Tingly Summer Skin

Been a busy morning here at work. Finally went out for my first smoke break. The sun is HOT out back this time of day and I'm wearing a sleeveless shirt. When I came back into the office, the cool a/c air snuggled all up on me and it felt soooooooo good! I love that summery feeling. Almost as good as jumping into a swimming pool on a hot day.

Our cool neighbors finally opened up their pool last weekend. (We don't just hog their pool all summer, we did help get the ground ready AND we ran a waterhose from our house to help fill it up.) We took Junior for a swim and even though it's only his second season swimming, he remembered it all. That brave little boy swims like a fish I tell ya! We were all impressed and after we got home to get cleaned up he kept saying, "I not a fish, I a wimmer."

Wim on with your bad self little boy. Wim on!