I'm not in jail!

No one in my family has been injured or maimed at my doing.  I remain smoke free.  My last smoke was Saturday evening around 11:10 pm.

I did have behavioral cravings (driving the car, taking a break during kitchen cleanup) and time CRAWLED Sunday but overall, I did very, very well.  I did not stuff my face but I did do a lot of pacing, searching for something to do when I was restless.

Mya (the dog) is pretty disappointed with me.  She kept looking at me as if to say, "Will you COME ON!!  We need to go outside for a smoke!  I gotta pee!!"  Before I quit, If she saw me digging in my purse or touch a pack of smokes, she knew she was going outside.  You could ask her, "You wanna go smoke?" and she'd "beat drums" on the floor until you got close enough to the door to open it.  I did finally go outside with her around 6:30 to play Eat Traffic Cones.

Today, at the office, is going to be hard.  It's almost 10:00 and usually, that's my first smoke break.  10, 12 and 3.

Random Acts of Useless Knowledge

I enjoy playing this daily trivia game.  It is fairly easy, there's always at least one answer I'll miss.  I try to learn from my mistake while I cuss under my breath at the smarty-pants "instlouis" who usually wins every freakin' game.

I play as "hayjay" so if you do sign up to play, let me know your handle so we can compare scores.  Because I am a Trifecta (an Ass, a Leo and Competitive), I will be all "I totally pwned your score today!"  Further to my being at work when I play and in the Play Nice mode, I could be all "Wow, your brain is really big and awesome!" when you beat my score.  And immediately begin cussing under my breath.

Note:  the game is timed and it is considered into your score/daily ranking.  I learned that the hard way and I NEVER take phone calls when I'm getting ready to play.

Four Zero

Today is the day.  I have two packs of smokes left.  40 sticks.  And I'm done.  Done smoking.

I never filled my Chantix prescription...the one I got from my doctor LAST OCTOBER.  I was pretty concerned about the "vivid dream" deal.  I've been having some crazy dreams lately and I'm too paranoid to add anything else to what my brain is already doing.

Will and Power???  I'm seeking you!

Also, I may need bail money at some point over the next few weeks.  Weaks?

I need some Depends

I got my 500 DOLLA from here. Now GO! Get you some too!! And DO try taking the Crystal Light challenge. I spent $8 last week and I'm back on a good Drink Your Damned Water Routine. My fingers don't have that puffy/bloaty feeling and I lost 3 lbs last week. Oh yeah...and I WON 500 DOLLA!!!

And read Lindsay's regular blog too. She's funny, smart and honest and no, I'm not kissing her ass. That hard. Also, she looks like the brunette version of my favorite blonde (in more ways than one) New Jersey girlfriend, Ycart.

I have good news and bad news

THE GOOD

After sinking HUNDREDS of dollars into the Borrowed One's mouth over the last year, he had his last procedure done today. I don't care what the dentist is doing in his mouth, it always costs us at least $100 before insurance. I think he's been about 8 times in the last year. I was beginning to wonder if he was part shark with so many teeth to fix. I was dreading today's visit because that $100 was going to go on the credit card because we have no money. Thanks Economy!! When I went to pick him up and pay after today's appointment, I had a CREDIT BALANCE and owed NOTHING on today's visit. HOORAY!!!

THE BAD

I did not pee before I left to go get him. I ran him all the way to the other side of town trying not to pee my pants. I blazed up the steps to the office and went straight to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is pulled back today - except for that one belligerent curl that refuses to lay back and STANDS UP - and I'm wearing my favorite pair of Dollar General $3 sunglasses. This combination makes me look like a Sleestack.

Proving that everything has a sunny side....the sleestack action on my face surely keeps the focus off of my round backside.

I named a chicken!!!

Sung to this tune:

I am currently prancing around my office singing:

Named a chicken

Named a chicken

Named a chicken

Named a chicken

Named a chicken

Named a chicken

Named a chicken

Named a chicken

OH OH OH Named a chicken!!

Penny, I am so glad to have helped you! And I'm even MORE glad that helping you didn't involve chicken poop!! I am just FULL OF WIN today!! Ya'll be sure to visit Penny and Bernie!! I have tons more fun playing at their Farmtown than the one on Facebook.

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed fowl guests, I present you Earlene of Dork:

Trust me, with that name AND those breasts.....her milkshakes bring ALL the boys to the yard.

Totally Awkward Tuesday

I've been reading this for a while and today, I think I'm not too lazy today to play along.

I moved from Oklahoma to North Carolina in the spring of 7th grade, I believe it was 1984 and I was about 12 1/2 years old.

I had to leave my 'hood in Tulsa and all of its benefits: school that I could walk (or bike) to, skating rink, community pool, friends. My hood was my world! I seriously did not need to go anywhere out of my 'hood. It was all any my fingertips as long as my fingertips were grasping my handle bars. (Just so I don't lose any cool points, my bike was actually blue - to match my overalls.)

But North Carolina has the beach, a fresh - new start, my Memaw and Lee Anne. I was happy to be so close to Lee Anne, my Auntie Hero!!

I remember going to Lee Anne's room when we got to Memaw's house. Her room was an addition to a very old family house and it was in the back. You had to walk thru Memaw and Papa's room to get there. It was very "Hi Papa!!" and giggle/scurry to the back where the cool party was at.

Lee gave me a pack of multi-tip fruity scented pencils, a stack of her hand-me-down clothes and let me listen to her funky blue radio. Out of the clothes she gave me, I picked out my outfit to wear for my first day of school: a beige button up shirt with beige shorts and beige knee socks. Why on earth did this strike me as a dress to impress outfit? Sheesh! I must have looked like a Marlin Perkins groupie!!

I remember being scolded for wearing shorts to school, about 1 minute after I arrived. Not that they were short shorts, they were longish, hemmed just above my knee. This is the South. The humid, sticky south and wearing shorts to school was a no-no. If I could have, I would have died on the spot right there. I'd already broken a cardinal rule at my new school. I would be reminded of this rule breaking with every new teacher I met that day.

By the time my fruity scented pencils and I made it to Science class that afternoon I was feeling a little overwhelmed, to say the least. My science teacher was a black lady, I think her name was Mrs. Morris. She was teaching us about mass, weight and gravity. For the life of me, I can not remember the exact question she asked but I did go something like this:

What is the term for measure of matter something has?

And I knew the answer, so I raised my hand.

Please Lord, please let something go right today.

I KNOW this answer, please make her pick me!

Of course she did not pick me. She picked some other guy to answer the question. I also can not remember the guys name who she picked but I do remember that he was not a small, skinny dude. He was rather large, not only tall but big-boned and um...big skinned over that. He was a BIG BOY.

Big Boy answers, "My ass."

OHMYGOD!! OHMYGOD!! OHMYGOD!! DID HE JUST SAY MY ASS??? I swear I almost fainted. I can't wear shorts to school but Big Boy can cuss in class. TO THE TEACHER!!! I was red in the face, I was embarrassed for Big Boy and for Mrs. Morris. My eyes got HUGE waiting to see what was going to happen next....

Mrs. Morris says, "That's correct Big Boy. Mass is the measure of matter that an object has."

Mass.

Not My Ass.

And so began my understanding of the Southern Drawl.