It's Thursday! That's the new Friday!!

My hours got cut at work again.  I lose the equivalent of one paycheck a month, it's absolutely horrid.  Know what pisses me off even more than that?  When we stick to the new budget, we still get all the bills paid.  Some of it is the hubs ability to work an hour or six of overtime at least once a month, but most of it is just bad money management.  One of these days I'm going to grow the hell up and start feeding the damn pig on a regular basis.

Elder Spawn showed up out of the blue last week.  He received his quarterly "injun money" and hopped on a flight home!  After spending a REAL winter with lots of snow in Missouri and Kansas I highly suspect he visited mostly for the weather and he was not disappointed, it was absolutely gorgeous!  I'm really proud of him, he managed his time wisely and everyone was glad to see him.  He even did HOMEWORK on his vacation!  I swear every time he says Calculus I want to puke, that's some scary math!

We had a nice family dinner at Nana & Mr. Grandpa's Sunday afternoon and I got to cook for him Thursday night.  He requested beef and hominy soup and frybread.  I'm pretty sure I'm the world's worst Native American but I do have some mad frybread skills.  Check this one out, it looks like a chicken, ready for the roasting pan!

I got some new clothes!  I've been trying to lose a few lbs and with the money being tight I was terrified of buying new pants.  I don't think $25 worth of jeans would break our bank but I just couldn't make the buy.  What if my butt started getting bigger?  Can't we put that $25 on the Home Depot card so I can maybe paint the freakin' house?  I thought about going to the second hand stores but I have plenty of faded jeans and I wanted some dark blue denim in the worst way.  And I came about my new clothes IN the worst way:  hand-me-downs from a deceased girlfriend.

I received clothes like this once before when Lee Anne died.  Not a lot, but some nice pieces for work and some hang around clothes.  When Betty died, her widower just couldn't bare the thought of trashing her clothes and he wanted to see someone truly use them.  Our butts and boobs are/were the same size and he asked me to go through them and take what I wanted/needed.

It has been weirdly comforting to wear her clothes.  I miss Betty like crazy, we all do.  I'm going to start cleaning her house tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I won't need any water, there will be plenty of tears.

Status Update: TMI Edition

The ease of Facebook and almost instant gratification has made me a very lazy blogger.  And it's not always appropriate to write the first thing that comes to mind when you read anyone's status update in such a public forum.  So I'll come here, to my area, to say what I want to say.

And sometimes, what I want to say, is just way too much to only say in my head.  I'm afraid my brain will go into "lower intestine mode" (holding in farts...you know what that turns in to) and I'll risk blowing smoke out of my ears.  That's not an attractive look and I'm at that age when I need to feel as attractive as possible.  (Shout out to the lady that carded me at the liquor store last weekend.  When I wasn't wearing any make up!  And yes, I have a witness to testify.)


Last night:

This morning:

Holy crap!  The asparagus pee is killing me.  I usually cook with frozen stir fry vegetables, but since I've been back on the FlyLady gig,  I had fresh vegetables on hand to use:  asparagus, cabbage and onion.  I left the asparagus whole, making it easier for the haters to pick around.  There was lots of extra asparagus for me.  So yeah, gross.

I did have a great time cooking it up though.  Teenage angst, guerrilla budgeting and PMS have made it a very stressful week.  I was going to use my time in the kitchen for good, not evil.  I took my time, I paid attention to detail, I had everything chopped up and organized before I turned the wok on.

Oh my precious, sweet, miracle-making wok, how I love thee!  Wolfgang Puck Electric Wok, you complete me.  In the kitchen, not in any other way.  In other ways, you're really boring.  But in the kitchen, my dear Franklin, you make my heart soar and my taste buds cry for mercy.  

And you also give me a great shoulder work out with all the stirring movements.  Armed with a silicone spatula in each hand I lovingly scoop and toss the chicken about, yelling around the corner to "open the windows and get a cross breeze going so the fire alarm doesn't get smoked up and start screaming."  Because I'm a professional cook like that.  *snort*

I'm having some second thoughts about the asparagus patch we planted a few weeks ago....

Food jerk.

The husband and I were food jerks today.

The Big. Game. is tonight.  High school - RIVAL - football.  Both boys went to the game.  They'll hang out with their women, eat stale boxed popcorn and stadium hot dogs.  These delicacies will be washed down with watered-down fountain sodas in plastic green cups.  GO TROJANS!!  (the football team, not the prophylactic)

While the husband and I were executing the weekly Tactical Grocery Discount Extravaganza Tour through town, we realized it would be just he and I for dinner and decided to treat ourselves to steak.  Bossman gave me a couple of pounds of shrimp and we still had some left to cook  after eating a mess of boiled shrimp last night.

Yep, we went deliberately deviated from the Food Plan.  I'm fairly OCD about the Food Plan.  The Food Plan  has an Excel file.  The Food Plan is printed out, in grid form, and displayed on the Master Calendar on the fridge.  You are responsible to check the calendar and the Food Plan for yourself.  I study weekly ad papers from seven stores compiling a menu from sale items.  The Food Plan is Serious Business.

With just the two of us eating (I don't care what you're eating, unless it's a hot dog or cake, Junior is not going to eat it) steak and shrimp was just too good not to pass up.  We went for it.  We agreed to be a food jerks.

We did get a little food jerk karma thrown back in our gullets.  After I got the shrimp peeled and swimming in the garlic and Teriyaki sauce the skies got dark.  Very dark.  And the rain came down.  Not good for grilling steaks and shrimps.  We opted to have George Foreman cook our dinner for us.  While George cooks mean burgers and dogs, he's not really our preferred Go To Guy for steak cookin'.  In the end he did alright but we did miss the fire taste.

We finished off dinner with a batch of scratched-out-of-the-box brownies.  Mmmmmmm!  I'm ok with being a food jerk.

Lust lives in my heart

Aren't these so very beautiful?  Polished aluminum in its many forms has been known to make me swoon.  Shown in this form, it completely gives me a case of the vapors.  Since we are in the South, I'll say they give me the vay puhs.

The original intent of these here Gothic Skeleton Hand Salad Tongs is, well....obvious.  Salad.

How very boring and so very against Alton Brown's kitchen gadget rules.  Per Alton (who is the KING of kitchens in a nerdly kind of way) your kitchen gadgets should be multi-taskers.  

Multi-task you say, hmmmm.....

Salad:  Use two hands to scoop salad onto your plate.  I can almost feel Memaw whacking me on the back of the head because I've brought the salad for dinner and had The Nerve to bring these things to her table.  Which brings us to the next task...

Weapon:  See 1:10 mark

Of course, this means I'd probably have to buy a costume and learn some skills to do that specific move.  Since I'm cheap like that, I'd just stick to the tried and true Memaw move.

Cold fighter:  Don't want to shake hands during cold and flu season?  Use these and you'll probably never have to worry about shaking hands with anyone ever again.  Pretty useful for those hand shake-ees who give you the dead fish hand.  So. Very. Gross.  

Back Scratcher:  The husband and I are often fighting over WHERE'S MY DAMNED BACK SCRATCHER?  And that fight is not so bad since one of them is now broken and the other one is probably in the bottom of Junior's toy box.  Mmmmm, scratching in style.

Animal Scratcher:  Going out of town for the weekend?  Just wedge one of these bad boys in a pet friendly zone and Fido can scratch his own ass while you're in Vegas.

I'm sure those few examples are just scratching the surface of creativity.  But it is a total multi-tasker.  

And I really want it!  I'm so sad I asked for bras for Valentine's Day.

Christmas wrap up

So Christmas was pretty awesome.  Junior is three now so he's REALLY into presents and their eventual "tearing."  For the two weeks before Christmas, all we heard is:  "Can I tear this present?  I want to tear this present!  Go ahead Mama, tear this one!"

Shopping was hard this year.  We just shelled out cash for one of the big boy's class ring and paid for both big boys to go on their annual youth trip at the Big God Conference in Myrtle Beach.  And big boys like big expensive toys.  It was a tough one but they got what they asked for and they seem happy.  (Except for my screw up buying the right game for the WRONG system.  It all worked out, Santa found the receipt.)

Of course, being the procrastinator I am, (hey, give me a break - I bought all the damned presents - mostly on time!  I even skillfully stacked them and camouflaged them with a sheet - the ones that would not fit under the big boys' beds.) I'm always wrapping presents until Christmas Eve.  Junior was being a good little elf helping with the placing of presents under the tree...until the one large box would not fit under the tree, even though it would slide up neatly next to the tree.  I didn't realize just how tired the little man was until that meltdown.  "Mama, de prez ant wont' fit under de tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"  Oh my!  Three rears its ugly head again.  Junior, would you like to revisit your new "I'm NOT taking a nap!" policy?  You should really think about it long and hard.

I did do a lot of holiday cooking.  I made crockpot candy and even got a little help spooning them out from a not-so-surly teenager (I reckon he knew Santa was watching).  174 pieces divided into three containers on a Friday turned into ONLY 1 container in the fridge by 7:30 am Monday.  It should be called CRACKpot candy, it's that good.

I finally opened the KitchenAid Stand Mixer box and made two batches of banana nut bread over two weekends.  Oh my!!  I can not describe the awesomeness of the KASM - there are no words.  Best. Kitchen. Accessory. EVER!!  

My favorite part of the KASM is the receipe prep.  It's like playing Alton Brown in your own kitchen!!  The KASM instruction manual preaches almost nothing but DO NOT OVER BEAT your goodies.  (This is probably a good rule to apply to most anything in life.  Do not over beat your goodies!)  You have to be READY! to put all your stuff in the mixer at the right time to avoid over beating.  Nothing like a little PRESSURE to go with your awesomely intimidating FIRST stand mixer EVER.

Junior and I decided we needed to make chocolate chip cookies for Santa.  Junior remembered this from last year!  So Junior and I have all kinds of ingredient bowls set out on the counter.  I'd left the butter in the mixer to soften earlier in the evening.  I spun the butter around a bit to make sure it was indeed softened and I was satisfied with the yellow mush so I unlatch the head thing and kick it back to scrape and add the eggs and sugar.  Junior is short and three so he's standing on a chair, right next to the mixer.  He sees the butter on the paddle and before I can say, "Noooooo!!!" he sticks out his tongue and LICKS the butter and says, "MMMM!  Deese cookies good!"  Dammit boy.

We got all the wet stuff in the mixer and it was time for the flour.  Junior did a good job of scooping it into the chute without getting most of it on the counter.  When they were done mixing I gave him the beater to "clean" and he was done after that.  He got what HE wanted, I was left to plop 'em out on the cookie sheets.  

Junior also remembered that we put carrots out for the reindeer last year and he asked to do it again this year.  I'm glad *I* remembered to buy carrots!!

Everybody but me slept in Christmas morning.  I'd been wanting to make fudge for the first time so I made a pot of coffee and started my fudge experimenting.  I had no clue it was SO EASY to make!  I can't believe I let myself be so intimidated for so long.  It was kind of scary when the boil started making the ingredients "grow" in the pan but it did not boil over the side of the pan.  The hardest part is scraping the marshmallow fluff out of the jar.  Sticky stuff!  

My last holiday cooking duty was to provide pinto beans and fry bread for the Friday night dinner.  Most of the family got together at Mom & Dad's and had Indian tacos.  Fry bread is hard work and well worth the reward.  I made two batches and there was only 1 bread left when we'd finished filling our gullets.  Also, I had flour ALL OVER my NEW shirt but managed to not get it all over the floor.  

Dinner was really good but my favorite part of the night had me acting like I was 10 years old again.  And torturing my younger siblings.  Again.  SO FREAKIN' GOOD!

Brudder and his family had just left and Junior and I were running around hiding from each other.  I was waiting in the dark hallway when Brudder came back in for the 3 items one always leaves when traveling with small children.  I heard him telling mom he left something in the back room and could hear him headed my way to get it.  I scooted back a little and crouched down like a cat.  Hell, I think I even wiggled a bit like kittehs do just before the ATTACK!  I should probably be ashamed that I was THAT excited.  But I am not.

I got him good though, just as he stepped to where I was I jumped up with a RAWR! and he did shriek a little as he jumped.  And it was a sweet sweet wave of HA!  I STILL RULE YOU! that washed over me.  So very awesome.

I hope you all enjoyed your Holiday Season as much as I did!  Here's to a prosperous NEW YEAR!

IT'S WEDNESDAY!!!!

It took ALL DAMN WEEK, but Wednesday is finally here. The season finale of Sons of Anarchy is tonight. I think I have "life" situated so I'll be more than ready at 10:00.

Dinner will be quick and dirty, Junior will be in the express bathtub line. The only loose end is one of the big boys is out with a friend and isn't supposed to be home until 10:00. If he breaks curfew and I have to lecture during my SOA time....someone is going to be picking up dead leaves in the yard AND the spare lot. With a pair of chopsticks.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I'm glad. We're having a late dinner this year - like 6:00 feed bag time late. So HOORAY I get to sleep in tomorrow instead of waking up in a panic trying to get things done. Also, Thanksgiving is NOT at my house this year so I really don't have much to worry about except being at Mom & Dad's by 4:00.

I'm bringing to the meal:

• Punch - the drinking kind. Hardly as much fun as the other kind of punch but generally safer around the childrens. I hunted down (like it was an animal) a punch fountain a few years ago and it's the best damned $20 I have ever spent on punch. The fountain has three tiers and lights (!!) so even if you're only serving Kool-aid...it looks spectacular! When I make Christmas punch (for adults only) the streams of the fountain make big ol' foamy boob looking blobs in the bowl. You know its a party when there's light-up boobies in the punch.
• Green Bean Casserole - just like all the other years. Hey, it's a classic, a favorite and a "safe" side dish (as opposed to a Nasty-Assery "casserole"). This year Alton Brown has inspired - maybe even challenged - me to make it from scritchety-scratch. I'm a bit nervous because GBC is a staple and how the hell can you mess up a holiday staple and not manage to melt and pour into the nearest a/c vent after dinner should there be an issue with said casserole you prepared. Here me now Lowe's Foods: If you don't have panko bread crumbs on your shelf when I arrive this evening....someone is getting hurt.
• Sweet Tea - made with real sugar, brewed in a metal pot on the stove then lovingly dumped into my construction-type dispenser cooler. It's only two gallons so I'm hoping that's enough. Heck, I can drink a gallon a day by myself. Sweet tea is a drug.
• Kid table - easy AND stress reducing. Just rip (screw) legs off and toss into the back of the car.
• Kid stuff - MY FAVORITE!!! I bought about $50 worth of Dollar Tree arts and craft supplies during the July 4th family gathering. I never had so much fun with pipe cleaners, googly eyes, foam shaped sticky things, scissors and glue. I think my nieces and nephews had fun too. When I wasn't pushing them out of my way and hoarding all the sparkly pieces for my project. Oh come on now, I didn't push them that hard. I think Nana and Mr. Grandpa need a collage of home-made turkey hands on their shiny new fridge.

Here's to hoping you have a Happy Thanksgiving and you get what you want out of the SOA finale. If Tig doesn't bite the big one or at least get severely maimed I think it will have a direct effect on my Green Bean Casserole. Then....my lovely Tig....YOUR ASS IS MINE!!!