Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Victory: Take it where you can get it!

I ran office errands today. I usually do that on Wednesdays but the tree service was there and I was going to have to move the truck anyways....

I parked at the garden center entrance to Walmart.  I went in all renegade-style without a cart.  I picked up hand soap (only a few isles over), salt and pepper (cross majority of store, taking the scenic route through the small appliances to ogle the crock pots), lunch (frozen, almost to the farthest wall of the store) and a pack of toilet paper (apocalypse '72' size).  Then walked aaaaall the way back across the store to the garden center check out.

I am SO counting that as exercise.

Even though getting in to The Walmart via the garden center is a piece of cake, getting out is always interesting.  Due to my shortness, and the underwhelming desire to stand on the brake pedal with one foot, lift/stand with the other leg and contort around in a 360 degree "Is it safe?  Can I move this truck without hitting anything?" view, I will go out of my way to park alone and take a long walk to the store.  I did that today, pulling through into the top parking spot so my big, black pintle hitch hangs into the bottom spot.  Alone.  If I knew it would work, I'd pee on the tires so no one would park around me and my Giant Company Pickup Truck of Paranoia.

Of course, 79% of the time (estimated*) some small car will park next to me making it IMPOSSIBLE for me to pull out of my space the direction I prefer to exit (varies by location).  Today's friendly small car parked on the right side, exactly in the direction I wanted to leave.  Paranoia truck runs away from danger, just like the elephant and mouse.  I exit to the left and I didn't want to make a tight turn into the next isle over so I opt for the next one.

Holy crap, it's the LAST isle.  The access road, the way to the freedom of Main Street is guarded by a long, grassy island.  The island comes to a sharp, pointy end that looks like it has just enough evil in it to take strike out and leave a nasty rub on the tire.  I squinted hard to concentrate, hell I might have even closed one eye but I did it.  A little to the left and a hard swing right, I cleared the pointy island end, even without molesting the space in the empty oncoming traffic lane.  Too badly.  OK.  The lane was empty so of course, I drove the hell all over it.

I'm SO counting that as kick-ass pickup truck driving.

*No math was harmed, or performed, in this post.

1 comment:

basicliving@backtobasicliving.com said...

LOL! Dang, you were just a bundle of awesomeness! And you started blogging again while I wasn't looking. That's pretty awesome too :)