Thursday, May 26, 2011

Is it wrong to appreciate roadkill?

So I found this one morning while I was taking Junior to school.

I realize this probably makes me a total asshat in a lot of folks eyes and I'm ok with that.  There's LOTS of reasons I piss people off.  But this guy, he was a great leave!  Those stiff zombie arms that break so gently at the wrists, mouth agape and he's flat on his back. He's in such good shape, I do wonder if he wandered out into the middle of the road, saw a car coming and had a "HOLY SHIT!  CAR!!" squirrel heart-attack and just keeled over right there on the spot.

This is a very high-traffic road with no shoulder and morning school traffic is no place to be assing around.  Also, I was driving my mom's car and the driver's window doesn't roll up and down, only down.  I was very disappointed to know I had to drive away from Squirrely, undocumented.  As I drove away I hoped he would still be there when I came back 10 hours later, but I wasn't going to hold my breath.

As luck would have it, Mother of The Year (yes, me!) forgot it was her snack day for Junior's kindergarten class.  The thought of depriving 23 five-year olds of $18 worth of applesauce, pretzels and juice boxes about tore me out of the frame and I feared for their teachers' safety.  Thankfully I remembered this just before my lunch hour so I made a frantic call to the school's front desk to alert them I'd be RIGHT THERE with some snacks.  SNACK-A-GAWEA to the rescue!!

When I pulled off the highway, I tore around the corner on two wheels and I noticed Squirrely was still there, in tact!  I doubt the Other Moms were driving around Squirrely to admire him but more worried about getting fur in their tires.  Either way, thank you Other Moms!!

Adrenaline pumping from the power walk to deliver snacks straight to the classroom (which, from the main entrance, is the very last freaking class room in the entire building) I managed to get back out on to road to zero traffic.  Remember, there's no shoulder and the window doesn't work.  So I scooch far over in the lane without dropping mom's car into the boggy ditch and get out of the car and start snapping photos.  I'm taking my last photo when I see a logging pickup come around the corner and the look on his face confirms what he's thinking....
What in the hell is this woman doing in the middle of the road taking pictures of a dead squirrel!?
I gave Pickup Man a friendly little wave as he passed by me and he gave me that really confused smile/wave combo.  And if one witness wasn't enough, his buddy driving the tractor/lowboy behind him gave me the funny look too.

Timing is everything and I'm glad to be water cooler fodder because when I did come back thru that afternoon, Squirrely was gone.


Shell said...

That pic makes it totally worth the stop! said...

LMAO! Jocelyn, you never disappoint me. Way to go, girl! I love it.