Thursday, March 10, 2011

I cannot believe he just texted me that!!

Something wrong with you?
Well, let's see...

Our early-day textual conversation was complete with me giving you my evening schedule.  You knew exactly where I was going to be and what I had to accomplish.  I even updated you on the scheduled rain you were terrified for me to drive in (scheduled to begin 30 minutes AFTER I would eventually arrive home).

I left the office at 5:00 yesterday and drove 13 miles to pick up your son.  After going through 10 minutes of crazy (four kids, two dogs, everyone trying to talk at once) I finally get him in the car and we head back to town another 13 miles to meet the widower so I can iron some work clothes for him.

We enjoy a short visit full of hugs and I love yous then we leave the widower and head towards the gas station because the fuel light has come on and I now have a back seat full of "WE NEED GAS!! WE'RE GOING TO RUN OUT OF GAS!!"  I can assure you this is not a pleasant experience.

We get to the gas station and I start pumping and I can barely hear the "mom, mom, Mom, Mom, MOM" chatter coming through the cracked window.  Mr. Man just has to ask, RIGHT NOW, if he can get out of the car.  Clearly the boy is out of his mind because this is a drive thru gas place and secondly, he NEVER EVER has gotten out of the car while I pumped gas.  That's a big hell to the no, you can't get out of the car.

Then we drive to the magic window to trade money for food.  I made our specific order for each of us, pay the lady at window one, grab food from window two and drive away.  We almost drive away, the boy has to fight his cup holder open before I can pass his drink off.  I'm mid-turn out of the driveway and he's yelling for his food bag.  (SERENITY NOW!!) We arrive at the lodge and after I get the door unlocked, I have to figure out which breakers to flip for the lights - in the DARK.  Junior won't even come inside the building and is having another freak out.  Awesome.  The battery is dead in my trunk flashlight.  I improvise and use my phone to poorly light the panel and finally find the lights using the Just Flip Them All Dammit technique.

We sit down to eat and BOTH sandwiches are wrong.  Lovely.  It's now 6:20 and the meeting starts at 7:00.  We  enjoy each other's company for a whole fifteen minutes over "dinner" and start setting up the chairs and all of my paperwork.  People start arriving.  I haven't peed since about 4:00.

The meeting lasts for just over an hour.  I'm busy as a one-armed paper hanger and if I'm not busy with an adult shoving money and papers at me about every 2 minutes, answering questions, taking care of business then I'm being badgered by the mommy train.  "Can I have something to draw on?"  "Will you play tic tac toe with me?" "What does this hand signal mean? (there's a wall of group riding signals on display, he knows how to sign for a fuel stop and I doubt he'll use the sign the next time the fuel light comes one, he'll just yell like he usually does)"  I also have to take meeting minutes, have I mentioned that I also forgot my coat and it was getting cool rather quickly?

I finally finish up inside and get the boy in the car, make two trips to get my stuff in the car and go back inside to answer a few more questions.  On my final approach to the car I remembered I forgot to call the husband.  As much as I hate to, I whip out the phone and call him as we're driving away.  The time is 8:24.

I begin my call with, "Honey, I am so sorry I forgot to call you earlier.  It's been a real busy evening and I'm really sorry, I've been..."  He interrupts me to say, "Well, you could have AT LEAST texted me."

*blink*  *blink*

Seriously?  You interrupt my apology to you with an admonishment?  Completely taken aback I pass the phone to the boy so he can talk to his dad.  Of course the boy can not resist touching buttons on the phone and they are disconnected a few miles down the road.  He doesn't call back and I'm too busy driving to worry about it.

Finally, after driving 45 miles in 2.75 hours we arrive home.  I get to pee, HOORAY!!  And he calls again, I immediately give the phone to the boy who is trying to put on pajamas and brush his teeth.  I've listened to him say how tired he is for the last 30 minutes and most of their conversation is about how tired the boy is.  They finish talking and give the phone back to me.  "You good?  Ok.  Love you, bye."  and I hung up.  Those four words arrive to my inbox and I've reached capacity.  I put the phone on the charger and drank a glass of wine while I watched COPS.  (Thank you G4 for almost always having an episode of COPS around when I need one.)

Yes, something IS wrong with me.  I've had enough of today and your stupid shenanigans are not going to make my day any harder than it already was.  DUMBASS!!

And guess who needs a ride home tonight?  I'll give you a hint, it's not me!

Also, your Honey Do List just turned into a "I can't believe that bitch thinks I'm going to do all of this!"

1 comment:

Nicole said...

Oh I so feel your pain right now. The life we lead when we decide to add a set of hairy balls to it.

Oh and my verification word is 'sheebous'. As in 'sheebous" help you!