Thursday, July 9, 2009

Honest Scrap

I haven't been writing lately because I'm having tons of lovely personal issues at the moment. These issues leave me with lots of uncontrollable rage that I keep gulped down into my stomach so I don't lash out. And we all know....YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. So I've been staying away in order to not be so acrid here. (I just looked up acrid to be sure I was using it right. Oh yeah, I'm totally using it right. UGH!)

Then Penny, The Awesome chicken-loving-living-off-the-land-soap-making lady, honors me with an award.

I'm not truly certain that I deserve ANY award at all right now (except for Most Bitchy, Awesomest Pout or Miss Passive Aggressive USA). And this award looks more like WORK than honor. But it is good work and I need GOOD work right now. Thank you Penny for the kick in the ass I needed. (Also, I swiped that pic from your link. I'm glad you had it there!)

The rules are:
  1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!
  2. First, the recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.
  3. Second, the recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.
  4. Third, those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given with this award.
  5. Those 10 bloggers that receive this award should link back to the blog that awarded them “The Honest Scrap’ award.
I will begin by immediately breaking the rules. That's just how I roll. After telling my Mom about this here blog (and she told her mom and ...) there's no way in HELL I'm posting any secrets here but I will follow Penny's example and share things the 7 of you who subscribe to my feed, a few things you probably did not know about me. (Seven. SCORE!! LOL)

1. If I had enough balls, time and money, I'd open a motorcycle commune. Just like in the hippie days but with scooters. Everyone would have a job suited to their skills: wrenching, body work, cooking, entertainment, etc. We would be legislatively active and promote motorcycle safety and rider education. And we'd live happily ever after.

2. I HATE SEWING!!! My mom made a ton of my clothes when I was growing up. She's really, really good at it. When I was older, mom would lay out the pattern on the material and make me cut. One time she had me cutting out patterns for a bunch of shorts and bowling shirts (which I lived in for a LONG time) and as I was cutting out one piece, I carelessly cut THRU the already cut piece laying under it. Mom just sewed across the cut and it was barely noticeable. It frustrated the hell out of me so I pretty much gave up ever learning after that. If I have any "sewing" needs now, I get out the stapler or tape. If that won't work I throw it out. Or beg my husband to fix it, because he's handy like that. Fun trivia: One of those pair of shorts was denim. They were sewn in my Sophomore year of high school. They finally blew out in 2007. It was a very sad day.

3. My MP3 player cracks me up. I love music, mostly all kinds. My favorites are of the Classic Rock (a.k.a. Your Parent's Music), disco (shut up, you like to dance too!), I Hate Everything Metal (stress relief!), rap, pop and a tad bit of country. Nothing makes me laugh harder to jam out to some Rob Zombie and have it backed up by Junior Brown. I am still pissed about not being able to find my Andrews Sisters CD after the last Sweetheart Dinner (2006?). And yes, I know EVERY SINGLE WORD on that CD and regularly sang as loud and off key as possible.

4. My dream job is working for a NASCAR team. I don't care what I'd have to do as long as I got to travel to all the races. Fun trivia: I am taller than Jack Rousch, even when he's wearing his hat. I know this because Elder Spawn and I walked beside him down Pit Road at Rockingham.

5. My ideal job is working in a bakery/restaurant/caterer. I've really discovered a love for making food lately. My small galley kitchen and sad wallet doesn't allow for too much exciting or interesting projects but damn if I don't have the basics licked. Mmmm, licking baaaaaaaaked gooooooods. I got an ice cream maker a few weeks ago. I'm still amazed at how EASY that was and wow, the recipes are ENDLESS!! Now if I can just remember to buy freakin' ICE. The KASM is getting lots of use and have discovered pound cake could be my enemy. Or at least my ass and thigh area's enemy. I still haven't made any fancy breads but I've thought about it a lot. The standard box bread mix is kind of too tasty to move on from there. My new wok is seriously woking my world right now.{insert rim shot here} I don't think I used the stove for the first two months I had it. I even made the wok cry by making SAUSAGE GRAVY in it. Deep South, meet Asia. And you KNOW Deep South was looking for Happy Ending.

6. I took two years of Spanish in high school, averaged a 90 something both years. Can't speak a sentence of it today except for "Donde esta casa de Pepe?" Not that I know a dude named Pepe or need to know where his house is.

I do remember Mrs. Turner giving us all Spanish names. I got Josephina. My mom - some 20 years later - still thinks it's hilarious to call me Josephina Augustina, and I do too. Rhyming is FUN! Naturally, we learned that George is Jorge. That has always, ALWAYS stuck with me. And it made me make an ass out of myself a few weeks ago. Check the comments - I totally called "Hurley" GEORGE instead of Jorge. DUDE, I am so terribly sorry. I realized it a few hours later and was to embarrassed to do anything about it. I'm an ass. An ass who can't speak Spanish. Jorge has an AWESOME blog and if you're not already reading it, add it to your feed reader now. Jorge seems super down to earth and like he'd be someone you'd love to hang out with.

7. I am a people watcher and jumping into the world of reading blogs has me feeling like I'm hooked on crack. I read everything from gossip, newspapers, storm chasers, photographers, mommies, cute things, dumb things, tech things, world travels, politics, medical professionals, etc. I've learned that folks pretty much have the same issues/ideas all around the world but they have better cameras and photography skills than I do. I check my reader BEFORE I make coffee in the mornings to see who's talking then come back with my java for some great reading! AND LEARNING!!

8. I'm jonesing for a kick ass camera. I studied and researched the camera we purchased when I was knocked up with Junior. And I've discovered I bought that camera ONLY for that need (endless amounts of family photos). I like taking photos of my flowers and bugs and lizards (OH MY!) and I have a hard time taking good photos of small things. Also, when those White Ibis come to visit the pond, I can't zoom in close enough to them to get a photo of anything other than a tree with white blobs in it. This photo took me about 30 tries to get the prayer in focus and it's still not a very good shot of him:
I want one of those cameras that would show the details of his hands and the ogliness of his eyes. I'm feeling very Veruca Salt about it but we don't have a checkbook like her daddy did.

9. I'm hating my husband these days, for more than one reason. I've been playing Pyramid on my Palm Z22 for about - ever - and I've never won a game. I thought I'd be nice and SHARE and asked him if he'd like to try. He said yes and I passed it to him. You know what? That bass turd WON the FIRST game he played!!! Turns out you can clear cards in MULTIPLE ways instead of just one from the pile and one on the board (so much for me reading and following directions). He was very gloaty about it and naturally, I was very pissy. It took me another TWO DAYS to win a game for myself. Also, he's hogs the house computer all the time. He's usually playing some nerd-ass Dungeons & Dragons type of games but now, NOW he's joined Facebook. I NEVER get any computer time (at a decent hour anyway) now unless I beat up a four year old for his computer time. The good part about his Facebooking is I can continue to beat him like a red-headed stepchild at Text Twist, only now I get to post a YOU LOSE SUCKA toilet bowl on his page. It's awesome!

10. I love my husband more than anything in this world. I always have, from the moment I laid my lusty eyes on him in 1990. We weren't married until some 14 years later but I have always carried him in my heart. We had an awesome friendship in those 14 years and I'm glad we found the "right time" together. He's a great dad and a good worker. He's NEVER "laid out" of work and only been out of work when we went on vacation one time (long time ago!), when Junebug was born and when his mother had a stroke. Honey, you're awesome! And I don't really care about you hogging the computer. Much.

I'm passing on this lovely award (a.k.a. punishment) to:

As hard as it was to decide on 10 great blogs, I'm also going to include an 11th one, maybe Jorge will have time to see my apology!

So good luck with your assignment folks. Thank you again to Penny. It was nice to spend time on ME and something FUN!


The Girl Wonder said...

An award? for me? That's just crazy talk! Thanks though, because now I have something to blog about tomorrow! Your sausage gravy in the wok bit cracked me up. Um, if I share my ice cream recipes with you, can I have your Southern food recipes? And I offer you part of the compound for your commune! said...

Oh Jocelyn, you are SO awesome! I laughed my way through the entire thing. And I would absolutely live in your motorcycle commune, only I get nervous around people these days. And I never leave this freaking homestead. But I like motorcycles and I am politically active. Does that count?

Great pic of the Praying Mantis (or is it Preying Mantis? I'm never sure) Anyway it is a really nice picture.

Thanks for playing along. You really do seriously rock!


Jessie said...

Praying mantises are always so creepy looking. I'm convinced they will bite me, so when I have to move one I pick it up by the thorax and go "HA! I've got you by the thorax!" and it wiggles its creepy little arms and legs around in circles.

Miss Kitty said...

Aww, how sweet! Thanks for honoring me! The award will be my post for Saturday. :-)

Jocelyn said...

Girl Wonder: When I figured out yesterday that my feed was picking up your old site I got it fixed and about fell out skimming over your ice cream recipes. SO MAKING THAT!! I will try to remember to post something southern food related very soon. Thanks for the land, we're already getting started on the commune!!

Penny: You are SO living in the commune....we'll need a chicken wrangler if we want to eat. Also, living on the commune may be the only way I ever get my hands on a greenhouse as kick ass as yours!!

Jessie: You are BRAVE, I don't think I could touch a mantis. They are neat bugs but every time I see one, the movie that plays in my mind is a really crappy Discovery documentary and always at the EAT YOUR MATE AFTER MATING part. It freaks me out and I kind of expect it to grow instantly to my size and bite my face off. **shudder**

Miss Kitty: You can come live on the commune too but you have to bring your mom. I NEED one of her dresses!!! Looking forward to reading your post!

Lady Ridesalot said...

Thank you! thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my "I'll get you my little pretty" heart! LOL!

I love how you included the understanding that this was (a.k.a. punishment) HA! Ya think??

BTW... didn't we just have one of these chain posts?

All kidding aside, thank you very much for the award. I enjoy coming over to visit with my Nascar loving southern neighbor, cause you can put a smile on my face just about every darn time. Loved getting to learn just a little more about'cha.
See ya round...(fb too!) :)

Jocelyn said...

Lady - if I ever get the courage (and cash!) to return to Talladega, I'm totally crashing your pad!!

This Guy said...

Jocelyn, you are SO hilarious!! I love your blog!! I think I pee'd myself three times. You need to write more, who cares if your a bitch, its just part of your natural charm! hehehehe ;)

Jocelyn said...

Guy - I'm still peeing in my pants over your SATAN LAMP!! Thanks for dropping by!

All ya'll be sure to visit Bret and read about his wonderful yard sale find!! It puts the ooky in SPOOKY!!

Nicole said...

After three years of Spanish the one full phrase I can say is.

"Su madre chupas pene del toro"

Yup I can insult in two languages.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Sorry it took me so long to say thank you. Thank You! I really appreciate it! I'm honored, and will try to get it done in the next week, I've been crazy busy.

I also love the Andrews Sisters, I know every word to every song. And bug pictures! I'll take a picture of anything, and I'm fascinated by bugs. I got a great one yesterday of a wasp carrying a cricket, I have so many pictures to work on from the past week! I can't wait. Photography is quickly turning from a hobby to a passion, with no money for the special equipment or software to back it up!

Thanks, again! xoxo said...

Um, so, Angry Girl - when are you gonna let us know what the heck you are up to? You know, I'm just wondering is all. Everything OK?