Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Role Model: FAIL!

"I want to thank God for somehow … I know he perfect. So I'mma thank him for everything. I'mma thank him for making me drop out of school. I'mma thank him for making me run the streets. I'mma thank him for making me sell crack. I'mma thank him for making me have shoot-outs. I'mma thank him for allowing me to watch my partners die in my arms, So I'd be fearful enough for my life and paranoid enough to go out and cop machine guns and silencers so I catch a fed case and I have to put up $3 million for my bond so I have to spend seven months of my life in my house, so I have to spend a year of my life in prison just so I be validated enough to get out there and touch the youth because they know that I done been through it, and if I say it, it means something. You know what I'm saying?"

- Rapper T.I. told revelers at the Hip Hop Inaugural Ball in D.C.

This dummy spouting this trash is why I'm so glad the borrowed one is with us.  He can blast that garbage coming out of the bedroom all day long...JUST DON'T YOU EVER, EVER EMULATE THIS DUDE.  At least the Husband and I are around to ride his ass like a monkey and say NO! NO!  BAD RAPPER.  

And don't even start the "I'm not a role model" talk.  The instant you play or sing that first note, take a part in a play, score a point, sleep with someone who can get you stuff - trust me, SOMEONE is watching you.  And wanting to be Just.  Like.  You.

Mr. T.I., nobody made you drop out of school.  Your parents/immediate family just didn't ride your ass like a monkey and MAKE YOU FINISH.  "Imma" suggest you go back and take a grammar lesson or twelve.

Nobody made you run the streets.  Your parents/immediate family just didn't ride your ass like a monkey and MAKE YOU COME HOME AT A DECENT HOUR AND BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHO YOU WERE RUNNING WITH.

Nobody made you sell crack.  You were too proud of your drop-out self to flip burgers at McDonald's and EARN money.  You didn't want The Man to ride your ass like a monkey.  You poisoned your own community to make instant money.  And lots of it.  Way to support your community!

Nobody made you participate in shoot-outs.  Slinging dope and running the streets as you pleased got you into some dark places.  Dark places have dark rules and darker consequences.  That would be why your partners died in your arms.  Thanks for showing enough care for your community to at least hold them while they died.

Of course, a cache of machine guns AND silencers are the best way to protect yourself.  Don't worry with security systems, security staff (real ones, not your strapped homies) and knowing how the law can protect you.  Especially now that you're rich and famous.  Real world rules don't apply to the rich and famous.

And you poor, poor dear.  You've spent most of last year locked up inside your house.  I'm sure your master bedroom has more square footage than my WHOLE ENTIRE HOUSE.  There's probably a stripper pole installed in your in-house bar/party area.  You must own at least one of every game system known to man, pool table, maybe a nice basketball court - my point is your house is no jail.  You were condemned to spend seven months in your own funhouse.  Life's a real bitch dude.  They should have made your home sentence to be in a shithole in the projects.

You still have to serve your one year in jail.  Federal prision, where you will serve at least 85% of your time so you'll likely be there 10 months.  I hope your warden and guards set you up somehow and you have to serve your full year IN PRISON.  There's no stripper pole in prison - unless your cellmate is BUBBA.  And I am SO HOPING your prision is just like OZ.  While you would be lucky that someone like Adebisi makes you his bitch, I'm hoping for something a little on the stronger side:  Vern Schillinger.  He'll make your butthole burn and set your brain on fire at the same time.

And Mr. T.I. said all of this while attending an even to celebrate the first black president's inauguration.  

I need some asprin before I bust a cap in someone's ass.


Mr. Motorcycle said...

Oh, Don't get me started. I think you've pretty much summed it up. Right on!

One thing you forgot to mention, since I didn't see it. Were his pants half way off his ass? Because that really impresses people too. Looking at the boxers is Soooooo Cooool!

Jocelyn said...

AAAHH!! The pants swung low issue. We battle that one in the house too - from both boys. Drives me CRAZY!

Very, VERY good question there Mr. Motorcycle. I wonder if these rapper types do wear their tuxedo pants in the correct position or if they hang low.

I've never understood the desire to wear your pants half off your ass. The Borrowed One says "It's comfortable." Maybe comfortable to YOU, but certainly not to ME!