WOOT OFF!

Yesterday I'd been feeling pretty bad about my production at work. Or rather, LACK OF production. So I got busy and actually did work. Papers were scanned, filed, copied, stapled and done. I attribute all of this work action to the action of turning on the light in my office.

You read that right, I actually TURNED ON THE LIGHT in my office.

Bossman has me in a bad habit of working in a damned cave. No overhead lights and only desk lamps. Which truly is nice, cozy and pretty laid back. It's just too laid back for me...if you actually expect me to work. (Don't forget, bossman also hooked me up with cable TV and Netflix will let me watch movies instantly(!) on my computer. I work in the den of lazy.)

I'd been feeling very bad about me because I was being lazy and doing a very bad job for the good money they pay me. I felt like I'd been stealing - most likely because I had.

So I turned the lights on (take THAT bossman!) and got productive. I came in this morning and turned the light on, preparing for a nice productive Wednesday, at least until I take the big boys to the dentist (a.k.a. paid torture - well spent money!!) this afternoon.

And continue morning ritual:

• Turn on the heat (you could hang meat in here in the winter time!)
• Make coffee
• Fire up computer
• Browse Google Reader to see who's saying what today
• Check email

In email box I find email from WOOT! and this can only mean one thing:

WOOT! OFF!!

DAMMIT!! I just vowed to be a good productive girl. I turned the corner. I was productive. I desired repeat performance today. I thought about and planned what I would do at my magic desk today. I had goals and "where's my damn money" phone calls to make. (I will still make the calls, I gotta make sure I get paid to do nothing around here, right?)

They've already sold the mini SD cards and Leakfrogs. DOUBLE DAMN!! I'll light a candle for the Bag of Crap and hope to score three.

I have no willpower. I'm wooting. F5 to you!!

Boob Shaper

Good story about children finding adult things here.

Story also contains new (to me!) and interesting product.

If this concept has been around since the 30's....WHY THE HELL DIDN'T SOMEONE SAY SO??!!??

• I can save $120 PER YEAR on that area down there.
• I don't have to deal with that area down there except 2 or 3 times a day.
• No leaks!
• I don't have to carry drumsticks around with me.
• No more toilet panic. Will it flush???

As I noticed in Tanis' comments a lot of folks were all "eewww!" and some were even female "eewww"-ers. Clearly these folks did not watch "Dirty Oprah" a few weeks ago. I'm not all "do what Oprah says" and I really only watch her show once or twice a week. (Oprah airs the same time as my precious hottie, Hank Hill. Guess who wins most of the time?) But I saw the previews and the show did NOT disappoint.

And the show did hit pretty damn close to home. Controlling woman/mother and docile husband in couples therapy. (I know...mirror much, anyone?) They were part of some series on Showtime I think and it was very interesting to see a portion of what they went thru.

What I took from the show:

• I should let the husband drive (the car) more often. I believe the term used was "surrender control." Can you hear my ego being crushed from there?

Also, lots of folks don't pay attention to their bodies, the sexual parts. Or at least let on that they do. I know this Diva Cup thing will be something new to get used to and there will be lots of looking, poking and prodding in that area down there to get it right. Big deal. Everything has a learning curve.

Even when you took Driver's Ed - they put you in the seat with the wheel but the instructor still has a pedal on his side to brake-check your ass for driving thru empty parking spaces.

So easy, a child could use it

I had some time to kill yesterday afternoon so Junior and I stopped by my parents' house on the way home. While Mom was digging thru her beads Junior found a small calculator with a key ring on it. Mom said he could have it and Junior was very pleased with Nana AND his find.

He started playing "scheduler" immediately. "It's my scheduler Mama!" How in the hell does this child have the word scheduler in his vocabulary? He's three and can't find his shoes most of the time.

We still had to stop by the grocery store so we didn't stay at Nana and Mr. Grandpa's house too long. We make it to the (second!) grocery store stop and as I'm walking Junior down the meat isle, I noticed he was sitting in the buggy, holding his "scheduler" near his mouth and saying, "Milk, eggs, butter."



He forgot the juice but I give him a solid 10 for presentation and form.

So the big question is.....does this behavior present itself due to:

• Bad parenting / too much TV
• Good marketing / irritating commercials!!
• Good imagination / at least he wasn't licking the damned cart handle (again, UGH!)

I'm settling for D, all of the above. Trust me, if you knew Junior and he was your charge for more than 30 minutes....you'd go with D too!

Banjo of Consternation

My Bag O Crap arrived today - A DAY EARLY. WOO HOO.

I probably should have brought the camera in so I could post photos but I really wasn't planning on seeing it today so...onto the crap I got!

• (1) SOYO FreeStyler 500 Bluetooth V1.2 Headset: I can't try this out with the new phone yet because it's supposed to charge for SIX HOURS the first time. GAH! Can't play with new toy!!
• (6) iGo Universal Wall Power Adapter: Yeah, 6 of em. And the best part - they DON'T come with the tips. You must buy tips separately. Six with no tips. Let's all say it together: YANKEE SWAP!!
• (1) JVC Carrying Bag: This is awesome. I don't have a camcorder to put inside of it but the bag is roomy enough to hold all of my camera paraphernalia. The bag has a loop on the back of it so you can put your belt thru it and have a HUGE fanny pack.
• (17) bags of Woot poots: All but 3 were intact. I will save these for husband since he'll be coming home from Texas next week and lord knows - he's still not tired of Texas after being there since September 13th. [sarcasm mode OFF]
• (1) Tornado Spray Jet Wash Gun WITH six spray patterns: Who the hell told Woot! that I needed to wash my car? Will I be prosecuted for bathing Junior in this same manner? If so, how long? I could use a vacation.

Well that was an awesome haul. No mini SD card or Sansas but I think the blue tooth makes up for that. I'll try again for my second crap on the next Woot! Off. Should be in a couple of weeks.

Y'all should think good thoughts for me because I'll most likely be giving unwanted craps to you for Christmas. Woot! craps, not the other kind of craps. Unless you've been VERY naughty!

OMW: Child

Today's prompt: What affect has a child, whether yours or someone else's, had on your life?

I am a god-mother. A Fairy God-mother on good days. I had a good day Sunday. My godchild had her ears pierced ... again.

Her birthday party was the weekend before Halloween. I try to never buy her clothes because I want her to wear what she wants to wear, not what I pick out. She was getting a Nintendo DS thing from her parents so I opted to go with a $50 gift card from Walmart for her gift. I'd also cleaned out my jewelry drawer this summer and had collected a small bag of trinkets I was finally OK parting with as I think she's at an age she'll start caring for things a bit better.

One of the items in the jewelry was a pink and blue necklace and earring set from Avon. Every time I would wear it she would always comment on how much she liked them. I thought her ears were still pierced so when she opened the box and saw what I had given her she was sad that she'd let her ears grow over.

She managed to score a few more gift cards and some cash as well. This past Sunday we all headed to Wallyworld and she had her ears re-pierced. I even go to help her pick out which studs she was going to get. She got the nice sparkly ones that seem to flash a bit of color, even though they're white. What a tough girl, she didn't even cry. She did flinch and give a surprising "OH!" face when the second ear was done.

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I would post the photo but I still don't have a mini-SD card in my new phone. Also, I have not yet received my Woot! crap yet. It's scheduled to be delivered to the office Saturday (how convenient GRR!). Some folks have received some mini-SD's in their boxes so I'm holding out hope that my seven pound crap will contain said goodies. Everyone seems to be getting the Tornado water sprayers, old-as-dirt PC joysticks and some kind of USB phone thing that makes your phone jacks make a network to share Internet access. Can't complain for what $8 is going to buy you, even if it is from 1992. Some of the folks have received letters from the Woot! Gods in their crap. One of them is expecting a 250 lb shipment to be delivered! How exciting!!

OMW: Jeopardy!

Today's prompt is:
If you were on the game show Jeopardy!, what interesting story would you tell to introduce yourself?

Alex: Welcome to the show Jocelyn. It says here that you're a Professional Man-Sitter. Can you please detail what that means?

Jocelyn: Well Alex, I am the office manager at my company's southeastern NC branch office. All our employees at this location are male. I'm also married and have three boys at home. So all day, all night (all long!) I am surrounded by men. The majority of these men act as if I'm they're mother and I must tend to their every whim, question and need. It's a good thing they pay me well.

Alex: Wow, that's a lot of time to be surrounded by men. What was your previous job?

Jocelyn: Previously I was a marketing manager for a real estate firm in a gated golf community.

Alex: That sounds luxurious and exciting.

Jocelyn: It is unless the office is full of bitchy hateful women and the big boss is a cunt.

Alex: You sound bitter, Jocelyn.

Jocelyn: Oh, I'm not bitter Alex. That "experience" was one of the greatest life-lessons I've ever lived thru.

Of course, I would never let Alex know that I once let a man convince me that I was not smart enough to take the contestant exam. The Jeopardy! team was in my neighboring big town and I let the bastard talk me out of going to try out. I was so stupid and weak back then. HRUMPH!

A few years later I did get brave and try out for WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE!! the last time Vanna was in her home-town for Sun Fun Festival. That was a ton of fun and I did get a call-back from them to take the real test.

The initial WOF event was a big rally-type thing. You just filled out a basic contestant questionnaire then they hauled everyone into the convention center hall and pulled random names out. I wasn't called up to the stage that day so I believe my call-back was purely rated by my last name. My maiden name is pretty unique. So unique the only other ones in the phone book are my relatives.

The call-back was in a small conference room and had about 50 folks in it. The chairs were lined up like audience chairs and we basically played a bunch of WOF puzzles. Then they busted out with the written test. The written test was HARD. Hard because it's WOF and you SEE these puzzles. Puzzles written out where you have to write in the answers instead of shouting at the TV screen made it difficult for me.

After we finished taking the written exams the day was considered over and as we were headed down the stairs an ambulance crew was headed up the stairs. A fellow try-out had a mild heart attack and had to be taken to the hospital!

Why does the universe like to eat Sharpies, then spit them out?

I usually have a Sharpie on me at all times...because really, you never know when one will come in handy. If it's not on my physical person, there's one in the dash of the car.

Lately it seems that every time I've used a Sharpie, when I retrieve it from it's living place it's not there. I walk from my desk to the supply drawer to fetch a new one and by the time I get back to my desk, there's the original Sharpie.

What's the deal? Is my doppelganger just messing with me? I did buy a box of "industrial" Sharpies. "Specially formulated ink for industrial, commercial and laboratory use. Super-permanent black ink." I'm wondering if they have an auto-cloaking feature too?