Crappy Birthday, America!

7:30ish, George the Monkey Cat is meowing loudly.

I tell him, "Junior!  Go feed your cat!!"

He jumps up out of our bed to tend to his cat duties.

"Dad!  DAD!  DAD!!!" he yells.

Junior has just learned the power of the shart.

I get to the bathroom and it's just as amazing as it is disgusting.  Remember that spinning paint toy from when we were kids?  It was just like that but brown.

 

Rough way to start the morning, and before the coffee was made!  Junior did come up to me later in the morning and apologize.  "I'm sorry I pooped in the floor, mom."

"Its ok buddy, I know the medicine you're taking for your ear infection is upsetting your tummy."

"Yeah, it makes my poop lazy."

**********

I spent the morning making watermelon ice cream.  It came out great!

I also made three pies:  Strawberry and Keylime Weight Watchers pies and a Texas Lemon pie.  I spent the previous day in the kitchen as well.  I was tired so I took a nap.

When I woke up from my nap I thought it felt hot in here so I went to check the thermostat.  It was set to 72 but read 78.  Great, now on top of the problems we're having with the water heater, we now have a cooling problem.

On the plus side, we're having some fantastic weather so we're not roasting to death in a muggy house.

******************

Cut to this evening, just after we'd finished being entertained by the whistling, exploding, smoking display of our hard earned-easily burned money, trying to get everything put away and everyone inside.

I'm stacking chairs on the porch and Junior walks up.  "Hey mom, you remember this morning when I farted but I pooped instead?"

"Yeah buddy, I sure do."  And OMG, do I ever, it was awful!

"It happened again."

At least this time it was outside and I had a water hose nearby.

Icing on the Crappy Birthday America cake:  I had a nephew puking in the flower bed and a niece with diarrhea blowing up the main bathroom. 

p.s.  The ice cream was delicious.

Status Update: TMI Edition

The ease of Facebook and almost instant gratification has made me a very lazy blogger.  And it's not always appropriate to write the first thing that comes to mind when you read anyone's status update in such a public forum.  So I'll come here, to my area, to say what I want to say.

And sometimes, what I want to say, is just way too much to only say in my head.  I'm afraid my brain will go into "lower intestine mode" (holding in farts...you know what that turns in to) and I'll risk blowing smoke out of my ears.  That's not an attractive look and I'm at that age when I need to feel as attractive as possible.  (Shout out to the lady that carded me at the liquor store last weekend.  When I wasn't wearing any make up!  And yes, I have a witness to testify.)


Last night:

This morning:

Holy crap!  The asparagus pee is killing me.  I usually cook with frozen stir fry vegetables, but since I've been back on the FlyLady gig,  I had fresh vegetables on hand to use:  asparagus, cabbage and onion.  I left the asparagus whole, making it easier for the haters to pick around.  There was lots of extra asparagus for me.  So yeah, gross.

I did have a great time cooking it up though.  Teenage angst, guerrilla budgeting and PMS have made it a very stressful week.  I was going to use my time in the kitchen for good, not evil.  I took my time, I paid attention to detail, I had everything chopped up and organized before I turned the wok on.

Oh my precious, sweet, miracle-making wok, how I love thee!  Wolfgang Puck Electric Wok, you complete me.  In the kitchen, not in any other way.  In other ways, you're really boring.  But in the kitchen, my dear Franklin, you make my heart soar and my taste buds cry for mercy.  

And you also give me a great shoulder work out with all the stirring movements.  Armed with a silicone spatula in each hand I lovingly scoop and toss the chicken about, yelling around the corner to "open the windows and get a cross breeze going so the fire alarm doesn't get smoked up and start screaming."  Because I'm a professional cook like that.  *snort*

I'm having some second thoughts about the asparagus patch we planted a few weeks ago....

I Like BIG COUPONS and I Can Not Lie!

I feel so powerful after a trip to the grocery store these days.  Hell, it takes me almost two days of coupon collecting, paper reading, list making and menu planning before I even touch a grocery cart handle, I deserve to feel powerful.  

Sometimes though, I think I may be taking it a bit too far.

Not just a post about the power of saving and a tasty lunch, but I had to comment on it too?

And my poor, dear husband - light a candle for him.  He has to LISTEN to me BRAG about it.  Often.  And a lot.  "In sickness and health, for richer or poorer" covers Coupon Crazy, right?

I joined a cult.

I finally succumbed to the Digital Side and got hard core cable with a DVR so I would never, ever have to miss a moment of LOST.



Also, I'll be able to watch Robot Chicken ON DEMAND because I'm old and can't stay up that late anymore.  Sometimes being a grown up ROCKS!!

When I grow up...

Click and drag
Right click
Search Google for
Linkage

When I grow up, I want to be Google.

They're so cute at that age.

I've been hoarding 2 Mucinex pills since the last time I had a cold...about 2 years ago.  I remembered the stash and shoved the bottle at the Husband.

TAKE THESE or I will suffocate you in  your sleep.

Husband spent all of yesterday blowing and hacking.  When his foreman asked him if he was OK, he confirmed that Mucinex was good stuff.  Thanks for the confirmation Foreman, I'm totally baking you a cake this weekend!

Because Sir Hacks a Lot had me all sleep deprived, I forgot to swing by the store for Mucinex, bread and milk.  I DID remember to bring home Pizza Hut because I had every single intention of eating and passing out as soon as we got home.  When I snapped to (remembering I forgot...weird!) Husband offered to go for me.  SWEET!  He even took Junior with him.  Suck up!!


As I was almost asleep in the recliner, my phone rings, it's him.

"What color is the box?"

What do you mean what color is the box?  I gave you a bottle this morning, not a box and the last time I bought it was 2 years ago.

"Well there's a blue one but it's $30.00!"

Dude, I don't care what the price is.  If it will SHUT YOU THE HELL UP, it's worth it!!  Also, it's the same price as the doctor's co-pay, which you won't go to so just buy the damn things!!

Sir Hacks a Lot didn't show up until 5:00 this morning.  And I slept like a log.  I win.

I don't want to and you can't make me. Dammit.

I've been sitting on the sidelines because I haven't been good company lately.  I got an RX that makes that a bit better and while I continue to struggle with the good and evil in taking a pill, I'm ... I am.

Facebook is totally killing my blog and making me lazy.  That's what the title is about.  I'm in a pissy mood and I should be working.  At least I wrote it here instead of cheating and dumping it on FB.  (Which today, my status reads:  is feeling stabby today.  HRUMPH!)

I am absolutely SICK AND TIRED of folks who are SICK AND TIRED!

Last week Junior was diagnosed with a double ear infection, sinus infection and pink eye.  I wanted to just break his leg while we were in the doctor's office so we could get that tended to as well.  SHEESH!!  Since he was so full of bugs he had to take the nastiest antibiotic known to man.  Twice a day for FOURTEEN DAYS.  Our health insurance gives us free prescriptions so I had the $30 to buy bribes to get him to take the 3 ml of milky white sand liquid twenty-eight times.  Twenty.  Eight.

Then the Husband brought home a cold from work.  And of course, he doesn't ever want to go to the doctor to get meds  to fix him so I get to listen to him hack and cough.  Even when I'm sleeping.  Or rather, trying to sleep.  WTF is wrong with men?  When I am sick, I go to the doctor, take my meds and try to be extra quiet when I'm coughing up a lung.  You know, still be considerate to others that I live with.  Especially when it's 3:00 in the morning and everyone is asleep.  I sure have enjoyed the past week in the bedroom.  SNARK!  I don't even have to put a quarter in the Magic Fingers to get the bed all shaky, Sir Hacks a Lot does it for me.

Woot!  You are sucking major ass.  How come the Woot Offs have been consistently coinciding with my mortgage payment's due date?  I have to save all month to pay it and then you dance your wiggly butt across my screen trying to get me to buy something.  And you're doing it on Kids.Woot! at the same time!!??  I thought you were my friend and that you loved me.  Buncha whores.

Jeebus, after re-reading this I don't think I'm good company NOW, let alone over the past few months!!  I'm hungry and I'm going to go bitch me up some lunch.