Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I learned it by watching YOU!!

From: Dad
To: Jocelyn
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 9:13:23 AM
Subject: Cat
The other morning I was conferring with a Professional Cat Rassler.  He was telling me his cat died because he didn’t have any lemon juice.  In order to keep my cat from suffering the same demise, I was wondering if you knew of any ideas to get lemon juice in my cat.  Any and all ideas will be considered.  Thanks.
From: Jocelyn
To: Dad
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 9:38:23 AM
Subject: Re: Cat
Professional Cat Rassler?  Please tell me he had an eye patch and a hook hand?  A professional would have some sort of battle scar(s), right?
What the heck are you supposed to do with the lemon? TO THE CAT???!!  And live??
The only thing I've seen is that cats HATE citrus so you can leave orange/lemon/lime peels in the garden to keep em out.  (We use this for the a$$hole cat across the street who LOVES to lay in the neighbors' gardens.)  And make a spray for stuff you don't want the cat to shred up.  Or you can make home made lemon spray to kill fleas on the cat.
If you are going to try to get the lemon into the cat I would suggest investing/building a miniaturizer to make the lemon much smaller and make it taste like his food.  Also, I would shrink Tahlee's claws or buy some of those falconer gloves.  Maybe a whole body suit??
Is he eating MORE plants?  I found this link to make a spray to put on plants so the cat won't keep trying to eat them.
Dammit, I'm supposed to be concentrating on work.  Now all I can think about is CATS AND LEMONS!!  
(Junior finally told Husband TO HIS FACE that he wanted a cat.  Maybe Husband will cave and Junior will stop trying to take Tahlee from you.)
From: Jocelyn  
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 12:27 PM
To: Dad
Subject: Fw: Cat
Ok, I'm still waiting to hear back from you.  It's been 3 hours and I really need to know how and why you need to combine cats and lemons.
From: Dad
To: Jocelyn
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 1:27:10 PM
Subject: RE: Cat
Your youngest spawn was telling me about his cat.  He died because he was lacking the Sacred Lemon Juice.  Ask him when you see him this afternoon.  He will give all the needed information.
From: Jocelyn  
To: Dad
Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 1:51:15 PM
Subject: Re: Cat
Oh crap!!  It's times like these I am SO GLAD I'm in this rat hole office BY MYSELF.  I have laughed until I cried over this one. I also had to take a call from one of my bosses in the middle of my laugh/cry fest without sounding crazier than he thinks I already am.  Fun times!!

I was really concerned for Tahlee.  I know he's been gnawing on the spider plant and was wondering if he had been sampling the rest of the "salad buffet."  And wondering how in the world you'd crossed paths with a "Professional Cat Rassler" in the first place. It's not like the use a lot of cranes in their training, ya know?

Junior is on the lemon juice kick because he's been watching me squeeze lemon into my water glass.  He will certainly need an eye patch and a hook hand if he tries to feed lemons to Tahlee!!  And yes, I would totally watch that show(down)!!


Nicole said...

You know that is why us kids are so squirrelly. Dad just likes to sit back wait for the right time and the right comment to make us crazy.

I say get a bottle of lemon juice and add bacon bits. After a couple of days the cat just may eat it. I think we found the family entertainment for July 4th!

I've seen your kid in action I bet $50 on him.

Jocelyn said...

The Master always makes sure we're on our toes, forever keeping us at GRASSHOPPER status.


Mr. Motorcycle said...

That's funny enough to be my desktop wall paper for a few days!

Momo Fali said...

I would pay good money to see someone try to give a cat lemon juice. Stories like this are why I watch AFV! said...

Now I see where you and Nicole get your sense of humor. That was too darn funny. The full body armor was GREAT advice - I hope he follows it. My cats would not stop at only clawing my eyes out if I tried to feed them lemon juice......

The Best Revenge said...

That is awesome. I so want to rassle me some cats and bathe them in lemon juice. They'd be so fresh for the road trip!